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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Just wanted to know if I am the only one here who is having such a hard time finding "friends". Recently, I was ignored by one of the well known and "friendly" members of this forum :(. I really don't know why but it hurt some. (I guess because I would assume the best from her like most of us all do.) I mean we all sit at the end of a computer not really knowing what the other person is going through or who they really are; just assuming information to be true. You think the job titles and research experience even the names and pictures of their maltese aree real but, in reality your good friend Molly with 2 fluffs might be Ralph who runs a mill:blink:. I would love to be more involved with this community but find myself wondering whether or not I should just delete my account. (The experience with the members here just make me feel as though perhaps I am in over my head...it has been more than one member who has not treated me well.) I just cannot figure out the atmosphere here on SM...but, I wanted to know what you think? Has anyone had the experience or thought this? (I don't need names or any revealing info...but, I wanted to know if I am alone on this world wide web?)

I would like to say thank you to all of those people who have been so extremely nice towards me. I have always had hope of being able to send gifts for some special SM fluffs and parents!
Thanks for reading!:thumbsup:

EDIT:
Are there trolls here that send nasty messages?
 

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You've only been on for a couple of months. Give it some time.

Through the years, I've gotten to know many members. I wouldn't trade those friendships for anything in the world.

Take time to get to know people, and they will get to know you.

Lovies to you,

Ralph :HistericalSmiley:

Sorry, I couldn't help it. For all you know, I run a mill. But must say, I am usually running a muck. :wub:
 

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Brooke -- As a long time member here, I would say that SM is truly a wonderful family. I have had the pleasure of meeting a number of our members in person, and when I've been ill, this group (even those I'm only met in cyber-space) has been the most support than I would ever imagine. Most of us have, over the years, laughed together, cried together, and had a lot of great discussions. We've learned from each other and truly care about the lives and fluffs of each other.

But, like with any group, there are old timers that feel very comfortable with others that have also been here for a long time, and then there are the newbies. Many of the newbies come and go very quickly without us truly getting an opportunity to know them at all.

Most members are very busy (especially during the summer) and jump on SM pretty quickly to view new posts. Sometimes we don't even have a chance to respond.

Give us the chance to know you better and I think you will find us to be a warm and supportive group. With that said, however, we are made up of various people with various views and like all "families" we sometimes have strong feelings on various subjects and "heated" discussions can ensue. But, I don't think any of this is meant to be RUDE or MEAN -- it's just that we can be passionate about the topic.

Please hang with us and get to know us better. I would love for you to continue to be a part of the SM family. We all care about our fluffs and truly come together in times of need.

Hugs to you and Gianni.

P.S. we do sometimes have trolls and try hard to weed them out. :)
 

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I do understand where you are coming from - I've been a member here for 2 years - which is so little compared to so many members but it did take me a good year here to feel comfortable and not so much like a newbie - now I feel like the members here are my good friends and I love SM!

There are trolls on every active forum - but usually they are found out quite quickly so I can't see any long time active member here being "Ralph who runs a mill".

Regards to a member ignoring you - if it was a pm or something she could have read it and meant to reply to it later but forgot - I know I've done something like that before :blush:

I urge you to give SM another chance - you've only been a member for 2 months or so, you need to give it some time :)
 

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Brooke -- As a long time member here, I would say that SM is truly a wonderful family. I have had the pleasure of meeting a number of our members in person, and when I've been ill, this group (even those I'm only met in cyber-space) has been the most support than I would ever imagine. Most of us have, over the years, laughed together, cried together, and had a lot of great discussions. We've learned from each other and truly care about the lives and fluffs of each other.

But, like with any group, there are old timers that feel very comfortable with others that have also been here for a long time, and then there are the newbies. Many of the newbies come and go very quickly without us truly getting an opportunity to know them at all.

Most members are very busy (especially during the summer) and jump on SM pretty quickly to view new posts. Sometimes we don't even have a chance to respond.

Give us the chance to know you better and I think you will find us to be a warm and supportive group. With that said, however, we are made up of various people with various views and like all "families" we sometimes have strong feelings on various subjects and "heated" discussions can ensue. But, I don't think any of this is meant to be RUDE or MEAN -- it's just that we can be passionate about the topic.

Please hang with us and get to know us better. I would love for you to continue to be a part of the SM family. We all care about our fluffs and truly come together in times of need.

Hugs to you and Gianni.

P.S. we do sometimes have trolls and try hard to weed them out. :)
:amen: :goodpost:
 

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I am sorry you aren't feeling welcome! I know I don't always get to respond to every post and hopefully that is what happened here and you weren't 'snubbed'.

I have a lot of friends on SM but it took time to cultivate those friendships. Many of us have met in real life so that contributes also to the feeling of familiarity online. Stick around and don't be put off because you feel ignored!
 

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Hi, Brooke!:welcome1: I've only been a member for a year. I believe I met you on the other forum. Lynn(Lacie's Mom) gave you a very accurate description of what SM is like. It takes time to make friends. In my experience, the majority of newbies only post a few times, then we never hear from them again. My advice to you is to post often and give us a chance to get to know you. We love to see pics! I tend to go through spurts. Some days I have more time to answer posts, and sometimes I don't. I hope you will stick around. :blush:
 

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I don't where you are in Florida, but I'm in the Tampa Bay area. I have met a number of people through SM, and have developed some wonderful friendships. Lots of us in Florida love dog shows and meet up there. We are arranging a meet up in Orlando at the Eukanuba National Dog show in December. If you would like to meet some of us there, PM me and I'll be glad to give specifies.

As some of the others have mentioned, it takes time to develop relationships, and some of us probably come across as cliquey. That's because we have either met in person or posted for years so we feel we know each other very well. As in every group you will like some people better than others, but we all come here to share our love for our wonderful breed. I think most of us are eager to accept and welcome newbies to our group.

To me the most important thing this forum offers is knowledge and support for our dogs, whether it is a simple training issue or a more serious medical issue. Sharing our knowledge and experiences with our Maltese is what this forum is all about, and for that I am very grateful.
 

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Oh Sweetie, I know how you feel. I have read and replied to your posts. I have made posts that get very little response and I feel hurt and ignored. But, honestly I don't think that is the truth of the matter. It isn't easy to wiggle you way into a family. But we want to. We want to be appreciated. We want replies. I do. But if you look at who is on the board, sometimes there are very few members. Then you heartfelt post just moves down the line. Yes, there are popular long time members whose every post is answered, but they are totally lovable and interesting.
You keep posting and I will answer. Promise to do likewise and answer me. If we have something to offer we will soon enough be prominent members of this community.
I know your name. I know your dogs. I appreciate your presence.
 

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Summer is tough, I know I myself only log in for a few minutes whenever I can. It does get better.....hang in there.....

I work many more hours in the summer and usually have lots of company...like right now.....:unsure:

But we'll be back in force in the fall..for sure
 

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Well take it from an old multiple forums member. All those forums are the same. When they get to big you loose the friendliness of the members. And there are cliques forming. I avoid taking part at sending post cards, Christmas gifts etc... because I don't want to be part of a clique. Lately I just keep around because of some people I really like and are not part of a clique. It is also normal that people who met in person are more connected to one another. But they should not make other ones feel ignored. If it is getting more personal they should use the PM to connect and not the open forum who it looks like they are only talking to each other. Like Deb said, you haven't been here long, give it some more time. There is no perfect forum. And SM is full of very good information even tho sometimes it's extreme. But you take the good and leave the bad.
 

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Brooke, I’m sorry you’re not feeling welcome. That's a terrible feeling, but I too encourage you to give yourself time to cultivate friendships. I’ve been a member for a little over a year and still consider myself a newbie. When you realize there are people who have been on this forum for six years or so and have over 10,000 posts, I think it’s unrealistic to expect to have to have the same connections that have taken YEARS for others to develop.

MANY of the SM members know each other personally and are close friends. I made the decision to go to the National Specialty show this April because I knew I would have the chance to immerse myself in the Maltese world and also get to meet many of the SM members. There was even a special SM party where everyone brought their Malts. Many of the members go to Nationals every year, meet up at Pat’s annual puppy party, go to Westminster, or get together privately. If developing close friendships is one of the things you would like to get out of this forum, then I would encourage you to try to make it to one of these events. For example, I know there is a Hilton Head meet-up being planned for September, and as mentioned there is the Eukanuba show in Orlando in December. The next National Specialty is in San Diego at the end of May. However, I also believe that if you give it time, you can begin to develop friendships even if you haven’t met in person.

Think about real life. Would you feel as close to someone you just met two months ago as you do to a friend you’ve had for six years?
I do know that no one is ignored on purpose. Like someone else mentioned, you can go to "Quick LInks" and check to see who's online. Many times there are very few members logged in. If you post at the wrong time, it does just get pushed down among all the others.
 

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And as I and others have said -- summer is a very busy time with outside activities taking over our lives. In the fall, we will have the rescue raffle and then it will be time for Secret Santa. At the 1st of the year, we will have our annual buddy event. If you choose to participate in these, I promise that you will get to know us better. :)
 

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I am very sorry you are feeling excluded on SM. Throughout the few years I have been a member, there have been several topics on this and I must say there are definitely some cliques -- but I think that is normal. Many members have met several times in real life which naturally makes them closer. I don't think any one intentionally excludes or ignores others...at least not that I have ever known of. I hope the person you are speaking of didn't intentionally ignore you. :(

I have been on here since getting London as a puppy, and I have felt both very included and somewhat excluded at times, it can fluctuate. The active members here on SM have hearts of gold and I truly love every single one of them. A lot of people will only respond to posts in their areas of "expertise". I try and respond to most, but even if I don't respond I certainly read every single thread (and that is a lot!!). :) Hang in there, please!
 

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I lurked on this forum for about 2 years before I joined and in the first 3 years after joining I probably had only 100 posts and most of them were about health issues or training. And it took me a whole year after joining before I ever started a thread. I tend to post in threads about health more than anything else; in fact, I pretty much stopped answering training posts a long time ago because there are so many people on this forum who respond that same way I would. Do I goof around on this forum with a few people? Absolutely. But I've known some of these people for 12 or more years, sometimes the only time I have to communicate with these friends is via a quick post on SM. I answered a post tonight about shampoo ... a subject I usually skip right over. But that's because the person who started the thread is a good friend and owns a puppy from me. Chances are though if she started a thread tomorrow asking where to get a dress for her dog I'd skip right over that. So I guess my point is that I think some of us participate in certain threads based on the subject matter, not on who started the thread. I've probably never wished anyone on SM a happy birthday or congratulated them on their new puppy or said welcome to a new member but if someone has a health question that I can answer I'll be there for sure. My advice is to stick around. This is a great forum with great people.
 

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Brooke - like everyone says, give it time. I know when I first came on the forum I was petrified to post anything. I had no idea who anyone was, what many were talking about and what to do. I had never been on a forum before. Now I'm embarrassed to look at how much I've posted. :hiding:

I've gotten to know so many members on-line and they have been a godsend in helping me find my Tyler, keep him healthy, train him and groom him. And it's been a real joy to meet many of them in person and I've looked forward to each meeting for Tyler and for myself. And then there are fun threads that I enjoy, sad ones that break my heart, etc. There's a lot here and not everyone responds to every post. I try to respond a lot but to tell you the truth, we have been burnt by a lot of newbies, who weren't at all what they said they were but more or less trouble makers stirring the pot, that now I don't respond to newbies until they show that they are responsible members of SM. Maybe it's not fair but I felt that's what worked for me. I also have learned for the most part to stay away from controversial topics...can't stand when it goes in a downward spiral.

I have been extremely busy with work since the spring, often traveling, (now away on vacation - what am I doing here???) and haven't posted as much lately. It's life and it gets in the way. But all that being said I really love SM and I think you will if you give it more of a chance. And when the chips are down, there aren't many friends who will care as much as this group here does. JMHO.
 

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Well Brooke I have to say I dont post alot but I love reading everyones threads\post. I have been on this forum for over a year. I can understand how your feeling because I felt similiar in the beginning. I did not take personal just kept lurking the forum. Well then I had the chance to be involved with the Rescue Raffle and Secret Santa and let me tell you it was awesome. Just give it time and pls participate with these upcoming events they are so much fun.
 

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I've been here a number of years and cliques have come and gone. Sometimes it gets heated and personalities buck heads. Sometimes we have to chase the trolls and millers and byb's away. :D All in all this forum is one of the best. I've been on several over the years and this one is the most informative as well as consistent.
Hang in there. Sometimes it just takes time to get into the flow of it all.
 

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Brooke, I have only been here just over a year too so that "new" feeling isn't so far removed that I don't know what it feels like. I have a problem w/memory & sorting people & their pups out when they are new requires lots of effort. It seems there are lots of new people this last year, but I haven't been around long enough to know if that is normal. Keeping everyone straight could become a full time effort!

I HAVE had the wonderful privilege of meeting a couple of people on here in person & plan to enlarge that circle at Hilton Head in Sept. I think we have someone coming up from FL. so if you want to meet up that could be a huge opportunity to cement some relationships. PM me & I will try to get that info. to you. I try to make it a priority when I am stateside to connect w/the people in the area I am visiting. Does it take effort---YES, on both my part & the other party, but it also has huge dividends! Just today I said to my husband "it is amazing how many of the dogs I know already & really love---most of whom I have never met!" He just laughed!
 

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Awwh sorry that u are feeling this way, Brooke , and please do not take it personally. I have to tell u that, i came to notice that summer time is one of the most quiet seasons in SM. I am sure people dont mean not to be friendly. I agree with the previous posts that were mentioned ;) trust me that u will love the people here once u get to learn more about them, and vise versa. I love the people here and i am sure that they are as sweet as i imagine them to be. Gosh! There are some of them who i would looove to meet qith them and their malts so soon, but Living across the ocean does not help in meeting many as easily an quick. BUT that said, I got the chance to meet one SM member in person. She and her malts were as wonderful as I imagined them :wub: and i am hopeful to meet more ;)

Give it sometime and u will see what we mean.

In another note, i find the time when i was a newbie here to be funny. Simply because I find myself to be so weird for not thinking much about it from this point of view back then. I came to SM for my craze to maltese and addiction to sharing Snowy stuff as most of my school friends back then were getting a bit so tired from Snowy stories LOL it really was crazy when i think how much I talked "Snowy"! I found this place and was able to blab all snowy related stuff. Even if not many members read or responded, I still liked it knowing that there are more understanding people to why I love my mop dog sooooooo much! I swear that I did not expect to make friends here. All i knew is that people shared the craze to the maltese with me, it is very normal to talk maltese here. That is all; nothing more. Maltese maltese maltese maltese is all i could think of. The actual malts here in SM were whom I learned about first. Took me quite the time to learn about the mommies a little here and there. So i say give it the time, and we look forward to your posting :)
 
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