[yeagerbum]

this is a GREAT thread. I was just randomly browsing the topics and I ended up feeling really touched by all the insightful responses here. kudos to everyone :aktion033: I am still practicing being content with what you have, minding your own life, and finding happiness from within. It takes practice x) Life is much simpler with a good attitude. Thanks for the quick reminder everyone :biggrin:

Sometimes we should learn from our little furball companions, they don't care how their yard compares to their neighbor's, or if they're living up to the perfect life, they simply enjoy the moment =D

 

[MalteseJane]

Sometimes we should learn from our little furball companions, they don't care how their yard compares to their neighbor's, or if they're living up to the perfect life, they simply enjoy the moment =D

soooo true :aktion033:

 

[mysugarbears]

Sometimes we should learn from our little furball companions, they don't care how their yard compares to their neighbor's, or if they're living up to the perfect life, they simply enjoy the moment =D

So very true and it's something that i am still trying to learn and just be thankful for what i have. :aktion033:

 

[godiva goddess]

Lynne,

You really stirred my emotions with this one and I know I responded to you via PM but since then I have done even more self-exploration and have realized that sometimes I pretend to be Pollyanna because I have come to realize that is what my family and (in-person) friends expect of me. But, you are also my friend and you deserve an honest and truthful, from the heart, what I am really feeling answer so I will give it to you.

I DO feel like others have it so much easier than me and it bothers me and makes me wonder why my path is paved with bumps and turns while others have a beautiful straight path to follow.

I'm tired of being told these bumps and turns make me stronger - I don't need to be stronger. If I get any stronger even the Incredibly Hulk won't be able to hold me down (sad attempt at a joke I know!). I'm tired of being told that it happens to everyone - because it doesn't.

So yes Lynne, I think its 100% natural for people who feel struggle is their middle name or who feel as though the world is playing favorites and they are not one of them to feel frustration, hurt, anger, and an overall sense of "why me".

The answer to "why me" I don't have it. I don't think I ever will. I guess that's why I have simply tried to be a Pollyanna - I figure if I'm positive enough maybe, just maybe, someday I will be able to stop playing the "glad game" because my life will, all of the sudden, be charmed.

PS. thank you for letting me bare my soul, you probably just saved me millions as who knows how long it would have taken in some type of therapy to get to this point of self-awareness

((HUGS)) Erin :grouphug:

Actually I was thinking about people who seem soooooooooooooooooooo happy on the surface and "appear" to have "perfect" lives. I always wonder if their lives are truly "perfect" or if they're just faking it. LOL

I dont think all people who have "perfect" lives are faking it. lol. They can be genuinely happy! Perhaps they have had to work hard to get there, and experienced hardships we do not know about... but just b/c some people are happy, and living charmed lives, doesnt mean they are faking it.

. But I'm careful about who I vent to b/c someone else no matter how "charming" their life looks, has secrets and demons they have locked up and are trying to deal with themself.

Agreed! And you also have to be careful of who you share your happiness with. Many people are jealous and envious of your success and happiness, that they show it even subconsciously. I find it most sickening when one always feel the need to say, in what ever form, "i am just as good as you." lol..it is quite telling and laughable! It just perpetuates the "keeping up with the Joneses" idea! Sometimes I wonder why people cant just say "I am happy for you" and leave it at that...but rather feel the need to compete or be just like you, or similar to you....lol...very sad on their part!

I wasn't going to respond to this thread but I feel the need to say this. There is always going to someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, happier or just better off than you. That's life.

Personally, I don't harbor any jealousies at all towards those who may have it better than me. Life and people aren't perfect, no matter how it looks on the outside. But I guarantee you that there are many more people out there who are much less fortunate than you. Maybe I live in a part of the world where I can see this every day and this keeps it in perspective for me. I count my blessings almost every day.

I believe life is what you make it, regardless of what you've been dealt (although sometimes life does make it hard to deal). Someone told me once, it's not important what happens to you but how you react to it. That's the only thing you can control.

Well Said Andrea!!

 

[allheart]

Lynn, great thread and hugs to you.

I always remember as a very young child getting scolded for staring at people :blush: Mom would get so upset at me and tell me how rude that was. I never realized I was doing that. But I was a very quiet insightful child, and always taking in people, and hoping when I would see them, that they were happy. When I would see them by themselves, I would think, Gosh, I hope they are happy.

Mom always said, if we all put our problems in one basket, we will be sure to pick back, our very own problems.

I came from a divorced home, with many difficult circumstances, that I view as blessings. I remember sitting on my bed, my feet not even touching the ground ( I am 5' 11" now, so you know how long that was , knowing what was about to come, and just praying quitely and knowing God would see me through. Which He did.

I would go to friends homes, who had two parents, and it felt so good. And then I would see how my friends would speak to their parents :w00t: and I was so saddened and told them so. But I never asked, why me? Why can't I be my friends, not sure why, but I didn't.

I, like many of you, don't have a jealous bone in my body. Jelousy only pulls you down, and prevents your own happiness. It would be silly of me to be envious of someone 5' 7 or any other height, when I am 5' 11', just a waste of energy.

When hubby and I were married, we rented for 7 years. All of our friends were getting homes, and I honestly was SO happy for them :chili:. I knew someday it would happen for us and to be unhappy for someone else obtaining their dream, doesn't make your dream come to fruition any sooner.

I think why I always soaked people in, and am and was so insightful as to who they are, is because people are like onions with many layers. And what we see on the surface, may not tell the whole story, of what the other layers hold.

Just like in the reverse, there is a guy at work, people HATE, they don't like, can not stand and he sits right in front of me. And I tell you, many layers to this fella. And as I peeled layer by layer, I found alot of hurt within him, a very good heart, AND he is an animal lover :chili:

I guess what I am saying is, that what we think we see on the surface, may not always be the case.

Oh yes, many times, it appears, people have an easier road, get promotions based on other then merit, but I don't want things that way.
All I do want, is to be happy within and I want that for others. Things will never make us happy or make anyone happy.

There is a family I know, picture perfect outwardly. And oh how they would brag about every accomplishment their children made both accademically and sports wise. Over and Over to the point, it concerned me. Alot. The children were sitting right there, not much younger then myself, and I wondered how they felt. I also wondered how much time does the couple spend appreciating each other. The father was a doctor and the mother was a nurse, but then became a stay at home Mom. Picture perfect children, picture perfect life. One Christmas Eve, we were all together, and this family was gathered in the living room and decided to sit with them. The children were young teens and Mom and Dad were there, and they were talking about cells in the body, and how one effects the other or something like that :smilie_tischkante::smilie_tischkante::smilie_tischkante::smilie_tischkante:. I was floored. Admired their togetherness, but still felt uneasy. That following July 4th, we were all at a home, it was a pool party, and their oldest daughter, clearly had anorexia sp?. Broke my heart to pieces, tears came to my eyes, as I saw her sitting on the float, nothing but bones. And I wondered if there was some sort of connection between the parents constant constant bragging in front of them and this young girls illness. Maybe not, but just maybe. She is find now and still on the road to excel at anything and everything.

The only time I have ever asked, oh God, why them? Why not me, and this is the God's truth, and may make you all very sad, but it is the God's truth, is when I see the children from a 3rd world country, with their stomach distended from starvation and trying to get some of that white mushy stuff. I think Dear God, why them? How did I not end up that way? That really is the only time I think, why not me, feel so blessed and at the same time guilty it is not me, but still ask, why them and not me?

 

[heartmadeforyou]

I truly feel we all have our "crosses to bear" and even people with "charmed" lives have their worries, sadness, and heartbreak.

I'm a strong person and have survived alot but I also struggle with anxiety and depression because I don't feel like I'm living up to my potential or other people's expectations of me. Sometimes I do put on a positive act. It isn't for the benefit of other people. It is so I can try and change my own inner dialog.

I do try and count my blessings (I do have MANY and am thankgul!) and share them. I liked the comment that you should try to lead a life that is charming.

Interesting topic.

 

[allheart]

Lynne,

You really stirred my emotions with this one and I know I responded to you via PM but since then I have done even more self-exploration and have realized that sometimes I pretend to be Pollyanna because I have come to realize that is what my family and (in-person) friends expect of me. But, you are also my friend and you deserve an honest and truthful, from the heart, what I am really feeling answer so I will give it to you.

I DO feel like others have it so much easier than me and it bothers me and makes me wonder why my path is paved with bumps and turns while others have a beautiful straight path to follow.

I'm tired of being told these bumps and turns make me stronger - I don't need to be stronger. If I get any stronger even the Incredibly Hulk won't be able to hold me down (sad attempt at a joke I know!). I'm tired of being told that it happens to everyone - because it doesn't.

So yes Lynne, I think its 100% natural for people who feel struggle is their middle name or who feel as though the world is playing favorites and they are not one of them to feel frustration, hurt, anger, and an overall sense of "why me".

The answer to "why me" I don't have it. I don't think I ever will. I guess that's why I have simply tried to be a Pollyanna - I figure if I'm positive enough maybe, just maybe, someday I will be able to stop playing the "glad game" because my life will, all of the sudden, be charmed.

PS. thank you for letting me bare my soul, you probably just saved me millions as who knows how long it would have taken in some type of therapy to get to this point of self-awareness

Erin, sorry just seeing your post now. Erin, I hope my post earlier didn't seem to trivialize anyone's difficulties. Erin, I know that I don't know you, know you, just through SM, but I got tell you, I value your insight, the person that you are, all those wonderful qualites that just pop out in every post that you make. I personally feel, that every experience that we have, both good and bad, shapes who we are. And Erin, I wouldn't change a thing about you. Not sure if this helps or not, but the person that you are inside, to me, is a treasure, a wonderful sense of right and wrong, incredible character, these are things to be valued and things I most admire. This may not help you on those difficult days, when it appears the world is playing favorites, but I wouldn't trade what you possess with those who may appear to not have those bumps in the road (hugs).

 

[Dora's Mom]

I can look back and see that my life has been fairly easy up until this point, but I've always thought that I didn't take it for granted and I've enjoyed what I have and been thankful.

Friday we found out that my husband may lose his job. If he does and he has trouble finding another one we will go from a comfortable living to barely scraping by. But even with this bad situation there is some good--we are getting our tax refund soon. We were going to build a fence so Dora could have a nice back yard but we'll have to keep that as our emergency fund for now. If it weren't for the tax refund we would have almost no cushion to help us through this...if it happens....hopefully it won't.

 

[CandicePK]

I am not a jealous person and it never really crosses my mind what others have that I may not, or how some people seem blessed when others (myself included) are not.

While I have always been this way, and tend to think more like Allheart when I see someone in dire straits as to "why not me" there are/were three clear incidents that have contributed my mind-set.

One was seeing a beautiful woman at my family's business. She was beautifully dressed with the fancy car, clothes, beautifully groomed with gorgeous children. She became somewhat of a regular customer and as such would come in weekly or so. During this time my uncle had been diagnosed with lung cancer. We were stunned because although he had been a short-term smoker when he was young, it had been 40 years since his last cigarette.

The discussion came up while this customer was there. She looked me straight in the eye and said "let me give you this business card - it belongs to the oncologist who is treating me for ovarian cancer". I was stunned and realized no matter how blessed someone is or looks *everyone* has their crosses to bear.

The second is always being considered one of those people who is charmed. I find that laughable at best. It's all in my attitude about what is truly important in life to me. However I fight my demons every day due to panic disorder. No one would ever know. I tend to internalize everything because I don't like drama. I still remember being diagnosed after a series of panic attacks and laughing in the doctor's face as I told him "I'm the least panicked type person you will ever meet!" His response "90% of the people with panic disorder are just like you - they hold everything in". So while my life may seem charmed, and my attitude great - I know the darkness all to well. I simply choose to be thankful for what I feel is truly important to me.

The third is my BFF. Oh lordie that girl can throw me into a meltdown just talking about her financial issues and the way she handles them. To someone with an accounting background - watching her juggle and her attempts at reconciling her accounts can just send me over the edge lol. Yet her attitude is one of "sooner or later everyone/everything will get paid" and it usually does... She simply won't let anything ruffle her feathers for very long. I think her attitude really helps in things working out for them.

I have truly enjoyed this post and all the insight everyone has shared.

 

[majik921]

I definitely have times when I feel a little off. Like when a good friend of mine and I talk. It seems like when my life is going badly, hers is fantastic and when mine is good, hers sucks. We can't catch a break together and I think it challenges our friendship a bit.

The last year has been really good for myself and my husband but before that we had a lot of problems between us and in our lives. Now we're both working in our dream careers, have our little doggie that we wanted so badly, live in a great apartment in a perfect local and have a nice, balanced social life. Sometimes I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop though. It's difficult for me to just enjoy things, it's like I'm almost superstitious. Sometimes I think perhaps I'm almost more comfortable with chaos and drama. I guess that's why I gravitated toward working with trauma situations.

I think that's what I need to work on, more than being jealous or envious. I try to be genuinely happy for those I care about, even when things aren't going well in my own life.