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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi guys, I got a call yesterday morning to let me know that one of my friends from highschool was killed in a pretty bad car wreck earlier that morning. I didn't realize how much it bothered me until it is now 3am and I have not slept. I laid in bed and just had a million things going through my mind. 2 of my other friends found him and he was dead on the scene (also went to school with them). He had just turned 23. I haven't really cried yet (I know I would if i started pulling out pics), but it's like my mind will not shut off about it, thinking about the wreck, about the different times I talked to him/saw/hung out with him and our other friends and would have never guessed hed be dead at barely 23 (we were in school kindergarden through our senior year together), I think about what his family must be going through, when Allan was in 3rd grade, he lost his mom to cancer, so now his dad and sister have lost thier son/brother also, its just so absolutely unbelievable. We are going to the visitation tomorrow evening. I have never really had to deal with a loss, and definantely not one that has bothered me like this one. So for those of you who have had to deal with something like this, what did u do to get ur mind to ease up on it all? I am just so lost for words for his family and still can not believe all of this.
Thanks
 

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So sorry to hear that! How awful for you and the family.

Time will help...but now just let yourself grieve.

I had some friends who were killed in a church van accident coming back home from church camp. I was supposed to be with them on the van, but was taking my college placement tests that day after camp ended.
I was horrified, confused, devastated...my faith was all shook up...I was a mess.
I continued to pray, even though my prayer was usually "why them?" (as they were coming back from CHURCH camp) and "why not me?" (what was my reason for not being with them?). I know where I would have been sitting...I would have definetely been killed....or would I have been the one person that made them 30 seconds later on that highway and missed that darn dumptruck?!
I still question it from time to time. It amazes me how time has flown. It was 14 years ago this summer. Unreal. The memories, hurt and emotions still feel like yesterday.

But time has eased the majority of it...and I know that God has a purpose for everything. Sometimes it is just hard for us to see and understand.

My thougths and prayers go out to you and the family of your friend.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
 

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I am so sorry to hear this. I truly understand how you feel and when you get to the visitation and face it you're likely to feel a little better. One of my dearest friends died suddenly last fall and for a couple days I didn't cry. Then I went to the visitation and totally broke down when I saw her husband and daughter. It was a total release of all I had been holding in. I hope you can release your grief as it will help....
 

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I'm so sorry about your lost. I lost a good friend on mine last year and she was only 26. It's going to be a year on November and I still can't believe it. It is not easy to accept but you have to think that one day you will reunite and maybe all your questions will be answered.

Time is the only thing that will help...you will never forget and ask yourself why but it gets a bit easier.

I will pray for you and your friends family.
 

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I'm sorry this bad news... I wish I had some words of wisdom but am not sure exactly how to deal with death. I just know its something I take really hard.... sometimes I react like you are... and other times i'm a complete crying wreck. I think every situation is unique because each person we incounter effects our lives differently. I pray that you begin to heal from this event.
 

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Ceasar's Mommy,

Responding to a death of a person who is young and not supposed to die is often times overwhelming to a persons thought process. When someone older dies we expect it to happen and although the pain is there, we know it was the time for the death. When someone at age 23 dies, it makes us think of our own mortality and in the process of greiving, for in your case a friend, we also think about life and what it means. How could this have been allowed to happen, he had his whole life to live, why was it him and not someone else or even me.

Our brains either overwork to process the information that seems so foreign to us, or some actually shut down and block what has happened until they are better able to deal with the shock. Little children do this often, when they hear devasting news...they will go and play, not because they are not thinking about it....but because the brain is protecting them from the shock of it, and usually it will come in little snippits for them to understand better.

My husband died at age 33, very unexpectedly and it was unbelievable....I totally went into shock, when I was told he was dead, I litterally shut down and although I "woke" up only a minute later beating the person who had told me, while they tried to pick me off the floor...I have no memory of that minute in time. The next days I did what I had to do....I was told repeatedly that I was a strong person, and I am, but it also was a shock thing...my body was not yet ready to proccess the information, so I took control and got through the viewing and funeral, of course with tears and sobs and heartbreak....but only after my brain had had time to proccess and only then did I totally lose it days later.

The worst and best day of my life was the same day...it was the day my husband died...the worst is obvious - I lost my best friend, lover, mate, whole world....but it is also the best, because that day when I told my 8 year old daughter that her Daddy had died...she did the same as me...sobbed in my arms for about a minute...and then looked up at me and said "Mommy, God must have needed Daddy in heaven"....I knew right then and there that life would be Ok....hard, but OK. My daughter had the faith that I also have. Nothing could hurt us.

I pray for your friend, you and his family and friends...that they find the strength to find the love he shared with you as a blessing.

Susan
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks everyone for your advice, thoughts, and prayers, especially for his family, I still can not imagine what they are going through. I was thinking maybe it would take going to and getting through the visitation to help "settle things" maybe, like kind of a closure. I have already decided on no eye makeup, I am really scared to death to go and see someone I know, so young, just months older than me there in the casket.
I was able to fall asleep after 7 this morning, went ahead and woke up for awhile because I don't wanna have a hard time sleeping tonight. I emailed my mom last night when I couldn't sleep, she wants us all to go to this thing together. Thanks again I really appreciate it.
 

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Originally posted by Teddyandme@Sep 26 2005, 09:36 AM
My husband died at age 33, very unexpectedly and it was unbelievable....I totally went into shock, when I was told he was dead, I litterally shut down and although I "woke" up only a minute later beating the person who had told me, while they tried to pick me off the floor...I have no memory of that minute in time.  The next days I did what I had to do....I was told repeatedly that I was a strong person, and I am, but it also was a shock thing...my body was not yet ready to proccess the information, so I took control and got through the viewing and funeral, of course with tears and sobs and heartbreak....but only after my brain had had time to proccess and only then did I totally lose it days later. 

The worst and best day of my life was the same day...it was the day my husband died...the worst is obvious - I lost my best friend, lover, mate, whole world....but it is also the best, because that day when I told my 8 year old daughter that her Daddy had died...she did the same as me...sobbed in my arms for about a minute...and then looked up at me and said "Mommy, God must have needed Daddy in heaven"....I knew right then and there that life would be Ok....hard, but OK.  My daughter had the faith that I also have.  Nothing could hurt us.

I pray for your friend, you and his family and friends...that they find the strength to find the love he shared with you as a blessing.

Susan
 

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big hugs to you too....I cried reading that....

So sorry for your loss!!!!
 

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My heart goes out to you, and the family of your friend. I lost my son who was 23 years old five years ago this coming Oct. 15th. It was sudden he was playing basketball and just collapsed. He had finished college in 1999, had just got married 6 months prior to his death. My life seem to stop at the time of his death, but because of my faith, family and friends I have been blessed to continue on the way he would have wanted me to.
A year to the day he died our daughter gave birth to our grandaughter, she was a blessing that made Oct. 15th a lot more bearable, my granddaughter also was born at the same exact time my son was born 9:01 am. So despite the deep saddeness of missing my son, I can say there has been a silver lining.
As a friend just be there for the family. Remember them after things slows down. That has been the thing that has carried me through. All his friends have stayed in touch all throughout these past 5 yrs. They calll, come by just to say hi, and see how my husband and I are doing. I will keep you and the family in my prayers.
Carliesmom
(my son's name was Carlie)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Originally posted by carliesmom@Sep 26 2005, 11:24 AM
My heart goes out to you, and the family of your friend.  I lost my son who was 23 years old five years ago this coming Oct. 15th.  It was sudden he was playing basketball and just collapsed.  He had finished college in 1999, had just got married 6 months prior to his death.  My life seem to stop at the time of his death, but because of my faith, family and friends I have been blessed to continue on the way he would have wanted me to.
A year to the day he died our daughter gave birth to our grandaughter, she was a blessing that made Oct. 15th a lot more bearable, my granddaughter also was born at the same  exact time my son was born 9:01 am.  So despite the deep saddeness of missing my son, I can say there has been a silver lining. 
As a friend just be there for the family.  Remember them after things slows down.  That has been the thing that has carried me through.  All his friends have stayed in touch all throughout these past  5 yrs.  They calll, come by just to say hi, and see how my husband and I are doing.  I will keep you and the family in my prayers.
Carliesmom
(my son's name was Carlie)
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=103505
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Wow
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Originally posted by Teddyandme@Sep 26 2005, 09:36 AM
Ceasar's Mommy,

Responding to a death of a person who is young and not supposed to die is often times overwhelming to a persons thought process.  When someone older dies we expect it to happen and although the pain is there, we know it was the time for the death.  When someone at age 23 dies, it makes us think of our own mortality and in the process of greiving, for in your case a friend, we also think about life and what it means.  How could this have been allowed to happen, he had his whole life to live, why was it him and not someone else or even me. 

Our brains either overwork to process the information that seems so foreign to us, or some actually shut down and block what has happened until they are better able to deal with the shock.  Little children do this often, when they hear devasting news...they will go and play, not because they are not thinking about it....but because the brain is protecting them from the shock of it, and usually it will come in little snippits for them to understand better. 

My husband died at age 33, very unexpectedly and it was unbelievable....I totally went into shock, when I was told he was dead, I litterally shut down and although I "woke" up only a minute later beating the person who had told me, while they tried to pick me off the floor...I have no memory of that minute in time.  The next days I did what I had to do....I was told repeatedly that I was a strong person, and I am, but it also was a shock thing...my body was not yet ready to proccess the information, so I took control and got through the viewing and funeral, of course with tears and sobs and heartbreak....but only after my brain had had time to proccess and only then did I totally lose it days later. 

The worst and best day of my life was the same day...it was the day my husband died...the worst is obvious - I lost my best friend, lover, mate, whole world....but it is also the best, because that day when I told my 8 year old daughter that her Daddy had died...she did the same as me...sobbed in my arms for about a minute...and then looked up at me and said "Mommy, God must have needed Daddy in heaven"....I knew right then and there that life would be Ok....hard, but OK.  My daughter had the faith that I also have.  Nothing could hurt us.

I pray for your friend, you and his family and friends...that they find the strength to find the love he shared with you as a blessing.

Susan
 

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Thanks for sharing
One thing a few of us have mentioned, is after 13 years, Alan can finally be reunited with his mom. -_-
 

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Omg, I am so sorry to hear that
I too, have had to dealt with the loss of a very young friend. Again, I am very sorry
 

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Originally posted by Caesar's Mommie@Sep 26 2005, 07:33 PM
Just got some more sad news on him.  I was under the impression that just Matt and Trav found him, ended up they were looking in the field (after notifying Allan's dad), and Allan's dad was the one who saw him under the truck.
 

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it is so hard during the loss of a loved one. Just your being there will help. If they want to talk about their son, listen and share your memories with them. There is no words that can express their loss, but the memories they have will help them through this time.
 
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