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7,533 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"How do these people survive?

ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve,"
was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

TWO: I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me,
"Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't
think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things
and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE: A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I
asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car
keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why
don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copie r machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
"blank" copies.

SIX: I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home
was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from
the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT: Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE: A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine,
the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him
into emergency!

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

Premium Member
13,268 Posts
They were great, and particularly the one about the half dozen because that is so true. I have often used that very same wording for a request on a number of occasions here in the US just to get the blank stare and the question of what is a half dozen. It seems that here in the US those words are not used very often.
Another one is the "fortnight" which is another word used for two weeks, which I have found out isn't often used if at all here in the US. Many times I use my normal Aussie vocabulary only to get puzzled looks and a "Please explain" or "huh" from the person I am talking to.

539 Posts
Those were good! I loved them!


I work in a local grocery store and I am a frontend manager. I work with a lot of the school kids. My son goes to school with them and I am just wondering who is teaching my child sometimes when I hear some of the stupid things they come up with.

I don't really remember how we got on the subject one day but I was talking to a couple of the girls on my lunch break. One of the girls asked where did eggs come from? We all just looked at each other in amazement that the girl even asked the question.
I asked her well where do you think they come from? Her reply was..."I thought that man made them"...well let me tell you the whole bunch of us just cackled at her.
This poor girl was so serious. She was getting upset because everyone was laughing at her.
I finally braved to tell her that they came from chickens. Oh, was what I got from her. :eek: She then started to tell me that she liked them but she will never eat another one because she was raised on her grandfather's and grandmother's farm and that they were so nasty.
God Bless her heart she no longer works with me and from time to time I see her in the store and I ask her where do eggs come from and she just laughs.
She tells me that she can't believe she didn't know that especially being raised on a farm.
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