[sassy14830]

My Bf and I have been together more than 3 years and living together 2 years and we got in to a big fight and he called it quits and I packed some things and went to one of our friends. We but heads alot cause we are both head strong. but we have always made up with in a hour or so of him claming down. well the fight was late wednesday night I took long time to pack to give him time to reconsider. He said nothing. Here it is friday morning and I havent heard anything yet. Since he is the one that broke up with me he should be the one to talk right? Every time we get in a fight I'm the one who lets him chill and explains to him how silly it was them we both agree and its over with. Well he has been going to school and work like normal. I missed work thursday. He has to tell me to come and get the rest of my things right? I went over there this morning to drop Prissy off cause I have no where to take her when I'm gone. He was there asleep and he didnt hear me but my things were not in a box ready for me to get or anything.

Here is my ? how long should I wait for him to say something?
Dragging this out kills me.
Please help!!!

 

[Chelsey]

This is a very personal question and no one but you can make that desion as we don't really know the history. From what you have said here it sounds like you want to get back with him? Other issue you have also stated that you are both head strong.
That means one of you has to back down, if you want to work it out.
Do not let anger get in the way of what you have together.
I'm getting the feeling that you think if you are the one to talk to him first then you are saying that he is right.

Is it a question of who is right or wrong.
Or do you want to get back together.

Also if you do deside to get back together both of you should sit down at some point and try to figure out why your fight are so heated that you have to pack up and leave.
A coulple should be able to have a fight or better word argument go to seporate rooms ,watch tv make up before the end of the night or at least by morning.

I can't really advise you what to do... I can only give suggtions for thought.
I hope it works out the way you want.

 

[nataliecmu]

I would say that just because he is the one who started the fight doesn't necessarily mean he has to be the one to start the conversation...
When you do fight, does someone always leave, or is this the first time one of you has actually 'left?' If so, maybe this has really thrown him through a loop.

good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[littlepeanut]

This may be a stupid question, but what do you want him to say? I'm assuming that you want to make up, but do you think it would be the best thing? My ex and I got into major fights in the end and we finally saw that we were going in different directions. Maybe I just read it wrong, but it seems like after he gets mad, you are the one to smooth things over. My now bf and I rarely fight, and if we do it's sooooo stupid that we both end up laughing at the end of it. On the other hand, my ex and I would fight and we would be bitter even after the fight was over and we had made up. We both loved each other more than words can describe, but we could not have a good relationship anymore. We were dragging out a 'doomed' relationship because we still both loved each other, but we weren't the same people anymore.

I know that's not the advice you asked for, but I don't really know enough about it to be able to give you advice.

 

[sassy14830]

Originally posted by nataliecmu@Apr 22 2005, 10:44 AM
I would say that just because he is the one who started the fight doesn't necessarily mean he has to be the one to start the conversation...
When you do fight, does someone always leave, or is this the first time one of you has actually 'left?' If so, maybe this has really thrown him through a loop.

good luck with whatever you decide.
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[/QUOTE]

He told me to leave that it was over. When we have fought in the past after we cool down we both see how stupid it was and its all back to normal but I have never gotten out of the door when he has asked me to leave he always sees how silly it is and we talk about it and its all ok. This time he let me out go out the door and he hasnt called. I know you dont know me or him but I'm just so lost I just needed to chat with someone my moms not a huge help. thanks for the help

 

[nataliecmu]

Originally posted by sassy14830+Apr 22 2005, 11:53 AM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-nataliecmu

@Apr 22 2005, 10:44 AM
I would say that just because he is the one who started the fight doesn't necessarily mean he has to be the one to start the conversation...
When you do fight, does someone always leave, or is this the first time one of you has actually 'left?' If so, maybe this has really thrown him through a loop.

good luck with whatever you decide.
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He told me to leave that it was over. When we have fought in the past after we cool down we both see how stupid it was and its all back to normal but I have never gotten out of the door when he has asked me to leave he always sees how silly it is and we talk about it and its all ok. This time he let me out go out the door and he hasnt called. I know you dont know me or him but I'm just so lost I just needed to chat with someone my moms not a huge help. thanks for the help
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Okay, so on Tuesday my best friend called me crying hystarically. Her boyfriend came home and said "I think you should leave". That was pretty much about it. They have been together for a while, and he just said he needed some time. He gave her no reason, and so she left.
Looking back on it, she said she noticed he has been acting funny for the last few weeks. Have you noticed this? Is this just WAY out of left field?

 

[littlepeanut]

It sounds like you are feeling hurt, and if that's the case and you really do want to work this out then I would call him and maybe go for a walk or for coffee or something and just talk it all out. Just be calm and try to explain your side and ask him to explain his side of it. I hope it all works out. Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[Chelsey]

Originally posted by sassy14830+Apr 22 2005, 11:53 AM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-nataliecmu

@Apr 22 2005, 10:44 AM
I would say that just because he is the one who started the fight doesn't necessarily mean he has to be the one to start the conversation...
When you do fight, does someone always leave, or is this the first time one of you has actually 'left?' If so, maybe this has really thrown him through a loop.

good luck with whatever you decide.
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=55284

He told me to leave that it was over. When we have fought in the past after we cool down we both see how stupid it was and its all back to normal but I have never gotten out of the door when he has asked me to leave he always sees how silly it is and we talk about it and its all ok. This time he let me out go out the door and he hasnt called. I know you dont know me or him but I'm just so lost I just needed to chat with someone my moms not a huge help. thanks for the help
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[/B][/QUOTE]

I know you don't want to spill your beans all over the net. Mybe you could find some free consulting or a hotline. What about the friend you are staying with.
It's sound like you want to work it out with him. There is no reason why you cannot approch him first.

 

[sassy14830]

Thanks for the advice. I decided that when I get off work I'm gonna go over there to pick up Priss and it will be perfect timing cause he will just be getting off work too so I can give him the chance to talk to me. If not then I will just tell him when You are ready to discuss our future let me know cause I am ready.

I do want to work things out or at least decided together what is best.

thanks everyonw

Wish me Luck

 

[littlepeanut]

Good luck Sassy!!! I hope everything works out well!!!!

 

[Carol Ann]

Good luck to you in making the right choice, even if it turns out to be a hard choice. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and know that you are hurting. We're here for you!

 

[FannyMay]

I was just going to say that you should talk to him. He obviously doesn't want to take the first step. If he knows that you dropped off the dog for the day then he has to know that you want to come back or you would have found some other place for her for the day. Like you said, he's probably just being head strong.
I was also thinking that maybe since you have never gotten out the door before that when you actually did this time he got thrown and he doesn't know what to do. He might think that you actually wanted to leave since you left without trying to talk it out first like you said you two always do. I think you both just need to talk about it even if he's serious and the relationship is over, you deserve to know so you can let go and move on instead of hanging on like you have been doing.
I hope it works out for you both.

 

[doctorcathy]

i think its scary that the fights get to the point where you have to leave, you know? like when me and casey lived together i'd be like "get the f* away from me" and then he'd shut himself in his room. lol.


and you make it sound like you guys fight a lot.

that must be scary for your little baby too.

i hope everything works out. try talkign to a marriage counselor. i know you guys arent married...but i'm sure it would help with the relationship and communication and stuff.

 

[ourprettytessa]

oh no, these are the worst!!!

you know, i was never one to wait around until my boyfriend apologized or made an attempt to talk things out. i always figured whatever felt natural was the right thing to do. it shouldn't be a matter of who comes to who first. if you love him, it makes no difference as long as you guys work past this little bump in the road. ultimately you want to have him in your life and waiting around to see if he calls or comes to see you is just so painful, stressful and time goes by so so so slow!!! it's torturous!

instead of letting things bother me, i would approach him and see if things are "really" over. chances are he is going

thinking about you too!!! so call the boy and tell him you love him, but only if you really do!!!

i'm always want to talk, but my fiancee is so wonderful, he doesn't even leave time for me to think about coming to him to resolve things, he always takes initiative.

he may be one in a million....and i'm so lucky he's mine!

 

[ButterCloudandNoriko]

Awww girl! I'm sorry you're going through this. I can say I went through this forever ago and from all the BS I went through, the next time I pack my S***, I'm out the door for good. I havent had an episode remotely close to that in years.

If you're dying to talk to him, make the first move. Hurry up and find out what he wants. Being in limbo SUCKS. Also, ask yourself if all of this is worth it. I hate when you're in an argument and the other one threatens to leave all the time. Are you having any self esteem issue? Is what you're going through worth it? Is he worth fighting for? I'm not telling you to break up with him...just think if it's worth it. Good luck girl. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope whatever happens, you end up happy. TAKE CARE!

 

[k/c mom]

I'm just wondering why you were the one who had to leave? Is this a home that he owns? If it is a place you own or rent together, you should stay and if someone has to go, it should be he who has to.

 

[lani]

Since u been with him more than 3 years u know him better than we do. ur the only one who can answer this question. If u have a good relationship with his family then maybe u can ask one of them to talk to him. I hope that helps and good luck!

 

[kodie]

Originally posted by littlepeanut@Apr 22 2005, 10:44 AM
This may be a stupid question, but what do you want him to say?  I'm assuming that you want to make up, but do you think it would be the best thing?  My ex and I got into major fights in the end and we finally saw that we were going in different directions.  Maybe I just read it wrong, but it seems like after he gets mad, you are the one to smooth things over.  My now bf and I rarely fight, and if we do it's sooooo stupid that we both end up laughing at the end of it.  On the other hand, my ex and I would fight and we would be bitter even after the fight was over and we had made up.  We both loved each other more than words can describe, but we could not have a good relationship anymore.  We were dragging out a 'doomed' relationship because we still both loved each other, but we weren't the same people anymore. 

I know that's not the advice you asked for, but I don't really know enough about it to be able to give you advice.
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[/QUOTE]
Actually I have a similar situation... this has been going on for some time now... i've been with my bf for almost 5yrs. We dont live together... but we are always fighting. I know there is always two sides to a story but it seems like hes always mad at me. I wanted to post something about it last week because he didnt talk to me for almost 2 weeks... i would call him or text message him.. and nothing.. no response. I find that rude. I left nice messages too! I wasnt being rude. Anyway... we made up like usual... and then AGAIN! hes mad at me ... he refused to call me thursday night and today... nothing I havent heard from him. Guess we arent seeing each other again this whole weekend...

A relationship is way too complicated to explain over the internet... especially 5yrs worth.... but.. its just depressing... cause i really thought this one was the one.

 

[ButterCloudandNoriko]

Kodie--I'm so sorry to hear that.

I think you should get back at him by getting Kodie a bunny suit.

 

[lani]

Everything I'm about to say is IMHO only, feel free to disagree.

First of all, I think most people should not be in a monogamous relationship until they have had a chance to experience what is out there, and have had a chance to mature and gain some perspective about what they want in a partner. In most cases this means not to be in a serious relationship until around age 25. Anyone younger than this typically has not had enough time to explore.
Why not enjoy different men like u enjoy ur lunch??? One day u eat sushi, the next day, pizza. Only after u have tried many different cuisines can u decide if u only want to eat sushi the rest of ur life.

Someone who has only been with one guy since 18 is going to wonder what it's like to be with other guys later on, and might even act on it. It's better to get these questions out of the way before settling down.

Maybe there's a silver lining in this cloud?

Love is supposed to make u feel good. Not depressed or confused.