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Got an e-mail from my mom mentioning that my cousin, who I haven't seen in more than half my life is getting married, and would I like to contribute $50 towards a wedding gift for him. While I am pondering over THAT (credit card bill last cycle was a big scary and it's not like the cousin and I were even remotely close), I start reading the next paragraph where my mom talks about how she hopes people's tongues won't start wagging when she goes to my great-aunt's funeral. Huh? My grandfather had a sister? I didn't even KNOW!

This all reminds me of middle school, when I'm in the office buying lunch tickets, and get asked, "Hey, aren't you related to Amanda (insert my last name here)?" My last name is not common. I went home and asked and sure enough, she is/was my cousin. I've still never met her.

And, in the same middle school, I found out halfways through that one of the meanest, toughest teachers that no one liked or respected is/was my second cousin! (I don't even know which verb tense to use as I don't know if they are still living!)

Now, I'm sitting here wondering what other relatives, dead or alive, might start popping out of the woodwork. And what else has my mother not been telling me? I haven't spoken to my father in a while. Is HE still alive?? (She recently told me my grandfather died--LAST SUMMER!) I have the feeling that she is leading up to something big--this kind of thing has happened before. Once, when I got back from a trip overseas to the country of HER birth, she suddenly decided that I had to know a bunch of family secrets. They were shocking secrets that shook me to the core and still leave me wondering about black spots in my childhood. I have an excellent memory and can remember things that happened when I was two years old. But, there are also completely black spots in my memory that coincide with a certain uncle's visits.

This is all so very weird.
 

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Sometimes we forget that other people in the family don't just "know" certain things. I remember that at my father's funeral, there was a week when my 4 brothers and I all stayed at the house taking care of things and one evening we were standing around the kitchen talking. I happened to mention that Mom's doctor at the time she was pregnant with my baby brother, wanted her to have an abortion because she was 41 and this pregnancy was life-threatening. He was stunned! He never knew that. I told him that I remembered her coming home from her doctors visits in tears and always upset because he kept urging her to have an abortion. This was in 1955.

When my brother realized that my mother had risked her life to have him, it changed him. I won't mention the ways but they were for the better.

I felt bad because I guess I just assumed my Dad had told him at one time or another because Dad quit his job to stay home with my brother since he was only 11 when my Mom passed away so they were close.
 

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Yep, it seems that I had/have skeletons in the closet also.

One appeared about 20 years and you could have knocked me over with a feather. I was gob smacked to say the least.

Why do people have to 'bring' 'things' up that are going to probably cause so much unhappiness. Why not let sleeping dogs (pardon the pun here) lie.

I just dont get it.
What do people get out of bringing up past things that could only bring about so much hurt and anger. And confusion to say the least.

I thoroughly understand what you are going through. Ive been there, done that.

The best thing to do is to try and 'ride' it out. I hope that nothing untoward comes from it.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dede and Chloe from down under
 

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I guess everyone has some sort of skelton/skeltons in their closet.....No one is immune to it. How you were told is terrible but there are just some people out there who have no regards to other people's feelings.

I was also kept in the dark, nor in a mean way, just some were never talked about. My parents divorced when I was 12 so my father's side of the family sort of went to the wayside. So I decided that *I* wanted to know that family as an adult, why you ask?? Because inquiring minds want to know, that's why!!

So about 4 years ago I started a family tree on my father's side and now I wish that I had asked questions when my grandparents and my father was alive.

But I have found many interesting facts on my family and I have (online, mostly) met a lot of cousins and uncles and aunts that I didn't even know I had!! It is truly amazing how my small family has grown!! And do you know what?? They were actually happy to hear from me. I have actually traced my great grandparents and great-great grandparents all the way back to Italy and know what ship they came here on, when they came and when they ( my great grandparents) became citizens!!

So you can take a negative situation and turn it into a positive situation, it just takes time and patience to do it!!

Chin up sweetie and turn this situation around to blow up in their faces and you will feel enlightened!!
Trust me, it is interesting to find each and every new piece of information and you may find a relative or two that you actually like!! LOL

Marie & Pacino
 
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