Maltese Dogs Forum : Spoiled Maltese Forums banner

1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,836 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Public restrooms....a woman's adventure....

My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat.

Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes. That was a long time
ago. Even now, in my more "mature" years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full.

When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (since Mom would not approve if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

Ahhhh, relief. More relief.

But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to! sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet
paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China. At that point, you give up.

You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting,
cross-legged and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,856 Posts
That is hilarious! Try doing "the stance" with 3 inch heels on...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,004 Posts
this is so true.

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door.[/B]
One thing you guys have in the US. that i love is the paper tolet cover.
We don't have those here.Well not in toronoto anyway. I pay more money to go to the AMC theather because they have the nices bathrooms in toronto... they clean then every two hours and they always have the paper covers for the tolet... the seats are motstly clean... but i still cover them. I prefer the famous player movie theather. for sound quality... but i would rather pay for a clean bath room then picture sound.
What I like about the u.S is bathroom paper cover seats and staws covered in paper protected from everyone's grubby hands. I wish we had that here.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
13,652 Posts
Oh the things we poor women have to endure.
You know the cleanest restrooms I have ever encountered away from home are the rest stops on the highways.
We have made a few trips to Chicago and Nebraska City and the rest rooms in the stops along the way have always been very fresh and clean.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,428 Posts
Originally posted by Scoobydoo@Nov 18 2005, 05:07 PM
Oh the things we poor women have to endure.
 
  You know the cleanest restrooms I have ever encountered away from home are the rest stops on the highways.
We have made a few trips to Chicago and Nebraska City and the rest rooms in the stops along the way have always been very fresh and clean.

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121019
[/QUOTE]
I've stopped at a couple of the new Iowa rest areas. I was suprised at how nice they were. Very clean
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
13,652 Posts
Originally posted by Lexi's Mom+Nov 18 2005, 05:11 PM-->
<!--QuoteBegin-Scoobydoo
@Nov 18 2005, 05:07 PM
Oh the things we poor women have to endure.
 
  You know the cleanest restrooms I have ever encountered away from home are the rest stops on the highways.
We have made a few trips to Chicago and Nebraska City and the rest rooms in the stops along the way have always been very fresh and clean.

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121019
I've stopped at a couple of the new Iowa rest areas. I was suprised at how nice they were. Very clean
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121020
[/B][/QUOTE]

Yep the ones across Iowa were the best, there were cleaners there at all times I believe and they were spotless.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,450 Posts
I've never had any problem with "The Stance". I never sit on public toilets or toilets at other people's houses...only my own. When I first came to Korea, I was REALLY impressed with the squatter toilets that they have here in many public places. Just squat and go. No mess no fuss. Love it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
24,175 Posts
Originally posted by saltymalty+Nov 18 2005, 03:44 PM-->
<!--QuoteBegin-paris
@Nov 18 2005, 02:50 PM
That is hilarious!  Try doing "the stance" with 3 inch heels on...
 
 

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=120921
And a cigarette hanging out of your mouth...I don't smoke, but how do girls do that anyway? I'd burn something important for sure.
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=120950
[/B][/QUOTE]


Originally posted by Scrappy@Nov 18 2005, 08:10 PM
Here in Au we are changing over to self cleaning public toilets. :new_Eyecrazy:  They have a built in timer so that after a certain length of time the lights go off and the whole cubicle is sprayed with water and sterilised.  Gives a whole new meaning to being caught with your pants down 

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121042
[/QUOTE]
:new_
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,836 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Originally posted by Scrappy@Nov 18 2005, 06:10 PM
Here in Au we are changing over to self cleaning public toilets. :new_Eyecrazy:  They have a built in timer so that after a certain length of time the lights go off and the whole cubicle is sprayed with water and sterilised.  Gives a whole new meaning to being caught with your pants down 

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121042
[/QUOTE]


got any pics of those ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,434 Posts
One of the worst restrooms I have ever been in was in Mexico. They did not keep the toilet paper in the stall, it was outside the stall on the wall and you had to take what you thought you would need in with you! Then there was a women at the door collecting tips
Trust me it wasn't for all her hard work in keeping the restroom clean

One of the neatest restrooms I have been in was at O' Hare in Chicago. The toilets have paper covering the seat and you push a button and it rotates all the old paper off the seat and replaces it with clean paper. I still assume the position
but I thought the idea was kind of neat. Men have no idea what we woman have to go through
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,417 Posts

When my daughter was in the toddler years and too short to squat we had to go in in pairs. We had a balancing act going on. I would hold her hands and she would hold herself up by putting her feet on my thighs. Now we all just try to hold it until we get home but sometimes you just cant!

AND... if you make it through the squating on one leg while holding the door shut with your other foot, hands cleaned and dried with the automatic sinks and dryers....you still have to open that germ ridden door!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,515 Posts
ahhh, the joys of being a man
we can pee anywhere and touch nothing but our own zipper :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,319 Posts
I hate public bathrooms with a passion. I wish I had Miko's bladder who voluntarily and easily holds in his pee for 12+ hrs. Why does a 7 lb dog hold in his pee for longer than I can?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
13,652 Posts
Originally posted by Msloke+Nov 18 2005, 11:51 PM-->
<!--QuoteBegin-Joe
@Nov 18 2005, 10:38 PM
ahhh, the joys of being a man 
we can pee anywhere and touch nothing but our own zipper  :lol:
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121111
I was going to ask a question but I think I'll let it go.

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121122
[/B][/QUOTE]

Oh go on be a devil MsLoke, I had that very same question and I am going to ask, Joe, if you only touch the zipper errrrrrrrr how do you manage to pee without getting your jeans wet, I mean how can you manage all of this without at least coaxing the appropriate appendage into the position required without touching it???? Oh how the mind does boggle.....

Then there is the situation of the job that requires a male to actually be seated for the entire performance, which I might add most males require a magazine or newspaper available to actually get the business at hand completed, don't tell me you can do the balancing act for that length of time and manage to do a crossword and read a news paper, all without touching anything other than a zipper.... :lol:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
13,652 Posts
Originally posted by Msloke+Nov 19 2005, 09:43 AM-->
Originally posted by [email protected] 19 2005, 08:09 AM
Originally posted by [email protected] 18 2005, 11:51 PM
<!--QuoteBegin-Joe
@Nov 18 2005, 10:38 PM
ahhh, the joys of being a man 
we can pee anywhere and touch nothing but our own zipper  :lol:
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121111

I was going to ask a question but I think I'll let it go.

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121122


Oh go on be a devil MsLoke, I had that very same question and I am going to ask, Joe, if you only touch the zipper errrrrrrrr how do you manage to pee without getting your jeans wet, I mean how can you manage all of this without at least coaxing the appropriate appendage into the position required without touching it???? Oh how the mind does boggle.....

Then there is the situation of the job that requires a male to actually be seated for the entire performance, which I might add most males require a magazine or newspaper available to actually get the business at hand completed, don't tell me you can do the balancing act for that length of time and manage to do a crossword and read a news paper, all without touching anything other than a zipper.... :lol:
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121158
OMG!
ROFLMAO
And to think, all I was going to ask about was going #1.
You go girl!!!

Uh, well, maybe that's not quite the right thing to say at this point!


Joe, you really should have know better than to give us an opening like that. You think we wouldn't run with it?

<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=121165
[/B][/QUOTE]

Hmmmmmm I would say he has opened a real can of worms, hubby just said that the guys are mulit-skilled. I would like to know how the fabled shake is performed without touching anything other than a zipper
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Top