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Today is my birthday and its the sadness birthday I have ever had.

My dad died Sept.27,04 and today I have missed his birthday hugs so much. I worked today while fighting back tears (as I am right now). Dad was bed bound for 2 years and we knew he would be leaving us, but its so hard. I can heard the Happy Birthday that he whispered last year when he was so weak. My mom sent me a card but I can't call her afraid of breaking down and I don't want to upset her. I didn't even want hubby to take me out to dinner. I just can't seam to pull out of this today. My heart has a hole in it. I see him all the time in the casket, the flowers and the service in church that he was a minster at for years.

Being honest with you guys, I am so lonely, even when I am with others. There is not a day that goes by, that sadness does not hit me. I don't think I will ever be me again, laughing all the time and lifting up others.

Please say a prayer for me. To help me thu this and allow me to remember the good times, with a great dad.

Thanks, Puddles Mom
(Cheryl)
 

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You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers! Your post brought tears to my eyes!

Hope you can find some comfort and peace and have a good birthday!
Big hugs to you!
 

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Cheryl,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad. I hope that your heart heals real soon and that you can remember the good times with your dad without feeling so much grief.
Susan
 

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Sending a prayer for you Cheryl.I know how you feel,i lost my MOM 4 yrs. ago and the whole is still there.What helps me is to remember our times together and i Still talk to her every day.God Bless and put a smlie in your heart as thats where your Dads love is.Happy Birthday,Sheila
 

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im so sorry.
i dont know what to say....but you might feel better if you talk to your mom. she knows what you're feeling too. and i know that when i feel sad, its best to talk to someone who had the same experience.

happy birthday and i know your dad is still watching you and sending you kisses and hugs.
 

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Originally posted by Puddles Mom@Jan 11 2005, 09:37 PM
Today is my birthday and its the sadness birthday I have ever had. 

My dad died Sept.27,04  and today I have missed his birthday hugs so much.  I worked today while fighting back tears (as I am right now).  Dad was bed bound for 2 years and we knew he would be leaving us, but its so hard. I can heard the Happy Birthday that he whispered last year when he was so weak. My mom sent me a card but I can't call her afraid of breaking down and I don't want to upset her. I didn't even want hubby to take me out to dinner.  I just can't seam to pull out of this today. My heart has a hole in it.  I see him all the time in the casket, the flowers and the service in church that he was a minster at for years.

Being honest with you guys, I am so lonely, even when I am with others.  There is not a day that goes by, that sadness does not hit me. I don't think I will ever be me again, laughing all the time and lifting up others.

Please say a prayer for me.  To help me thu this and allow me to remember the good times, with a great dad.

Thanks, Puddles Mom
              (Cheryl)
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=29173
[/QUOTE]


I know how you feel my dad passed away october 18 2004 and its been really sad i still am in denial i know he isnt here but i cant believe it . I left my job in the city to work in my dads business with my mom and when i gho to the office i see him everywhere my mom and i try to do everything the way he would
he was a fantastic dad and a great husband and grandfather...we have had to go through all the major holidays without him and it just wasnt the same
he had the best sense of humor and most of all he was a true family man
loves all us kids and his family came first
he is missed every second of every minute of every day
god bless
 

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Originally posted by Puddles Mom@Jan 11 2005, 09:37 PM
Today is my birthday and its the sadness birthday I have ever had. 

My dad died Sept.27,04  and today I have missed his birthday hugs so much.  I worked today while fighting back tears (as I am right now).  Dad was bed bound for 2 years and we knew he would be leaving us, but its so hard. I can heard the Happy Birthday that he whispered last year when he was so weak. My mom sent me a card but I can't call her afraid of breaking down and I don't want to upset her. I didn't even want hubby to take me out to dinner.  I just can't seam to pull out of this today. My heart has a hole in it.  I see him all the time in the casket, the flowers and the service in church that he was a minster at for years.

Being honest with you guys, I am so lonely, even when I am with others.  There is not a day that goes by, that sadness does not hit me. I don't think I will ever be me again, laughing all the time and lifting up others.

Please say a prayer for me.  To help me thu this and allow me to remember the good times, with a great dad.

Thanks, Puddles Mom
              (Cheryl)
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=29173
[/QUOTE]


I know how you feel my dad passed away october 18 2004 and its been really sad i still am in denial i know he isnt here but i cant believe it . I left my job in the city to work in my dads business with my mom and when i gho to the office i see him everywhere my mom and i try to do everything the way he would
he was a fantastic dad and a great husband and grandfather...we have had to go through all the major holidays without him and it just wasnt the same
he had the best sense of humor and most of all he was a true family man
loves all us kids and his family came first
he is missed every second of every minute of every day
god bless
 

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My heart and prayers go out to you! I am sure your Dad is looking down from Heaven at you and wishing he could tell you "not to be sad" for him. He is in a much better place so just try and smile up at him and remember all the joy, laughter and love you shared.
 

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aww.. I am so extremely sorry for your loss. I know the day will come when my Dad (parents) will pass on... I honestly dont know how i'm going to live without them. I would say that I am really close with both my parents... but my Dad has a special place in my heart. I look exactly like him too.
I will feel exactly like you do at this moment when the time comes. (I really hope not for a very long time) My Dad always makes a big deal on my bday... i will miss that so much.. -_- You just have to remember your Dad loves you and wants you to enjoy your day, like always! In a way I kinda wish my parents didnt raise me to be so attached to them. I like it but its going to be soooooo extremely difficult to live without them. I just want to let you know that I have the same feelings if my Dad passed away (hopefully not for awhile
). We are here for you. Kodie and I send prayers and hugs to you.
Remember, you are NOT alone.



* When i'm sad... i lay with Kodie and just breath in his natural smell... it comforts me.
 

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I am so sad reading your post, becuase it hits so close to home. I am so lucky to still have both of my parents, but just the thought of not having them one day really hurts. Just continue to think about him. It is always bittersweet when remembering the good times.

XOXO,
Natalie & Martini
 

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HI hun boy do i know how you feel . I am very sorry . I know you dont think so now but you will go on to be happy again and remember him fondly .It will bring a smile to your face.You need time and allow yourself all the time you need , I dont know if you pray ,but if you do just talk to god as you posted and he will give you undiscripable peace. See it this way then you are ready you have friends in high places , who is watching over you . That was a song when i was grieving for my grandma, very much how you are god put that Christain song in my dream. I hope you feel better real soon and feel free to come here and talk to us we are here for you
 

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Cheryl, I’m so sorry for your loss. May I share some ideas with you that might help you cope . . .

When my mother died in 1999 I participated in a grief support group at my local Hospice. While I still grieve for my mother every day, I found the exercises that we did in the group to be very comforting and they truly did aid in my being able to function normally day to day. If you have an active Hospice in your city, I recommend joining their grief support group. They usually have them divided up by the type of loss, so you would be with a group of people going through what you are.

I would like to share a valuable exercise with you that we did in my Hospice support group and hope it will help you get through this. This may not seem valuable on the surface but I PROMISE you that if you will do this, you will feel better. The good folks at Hospice, one of my favorite charities, know their stuff …..

Cheryl, for two years you saw your Dad in bed. And you mention that you picture him in his casket. However, he was a man who had a life and interests, etc. This exercise will help you remember and celebrate the man he was when he was well, so that you don’t just remember him at his worst. And in the process of doing this, you will release a lot of grief.

This exercise involves making a collage that reflects the personality of your Dad and celebrates his life. To do this, gather up a large number of magazines and catalogs. Get a large piece of white poster board, scissors, and glue. Then start going through the magazines and catalogs and when you see a photo that reflects something that reminds you of your Dad cut it out. For example, if he loved fishing, you would cut out a photo of a fish or of a man fishing. Since he was a minister, you might want to cut out a photo of a bible or a cross or even the words in a headline such as “Minister”, “Religious”, “Congregation”, etc.

Cut out a few of these and start pasting them on to your board. Keep going until you fill it up. Then you can take a decoupage paste and put a protective coating on it.

THEN gather your family and friends around and show them your completed board.(Or just show it to your husband… whatever you feel comfortable with.) Go through each of the photos that you applied to it and explain why you chose it and how it reminds you of your Dad. Expect lots of tears but they are good, cleansing tears and you will feel better afterward. You can then have your poster framed to display or just keep it in a safe place where you can look at it from time to time.

Happy Birthday, Cheryl, may you find peace in the loving memories of your Dad.
 

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Hugs and Happy Birthday! I lost my father 4 years ago, he died in my arms. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. No one else knows how you feel, but many of us have been where you are now. Take all the time you need to grieve, don't let people tell you how you should feel. Be mad....it's a great outlet, but do remember that the memories, in time, will be happy ones. I miss my Dad on all those special days, even though I know he is around me. When thinking about him, praying about him and talking to him don't fill that void I do a funny thing. I go to the party store, buy a helium balloon and write on it how I am feeling, be it happy, sad, lonely or whatever. I stand outside, say a prayer and let go of the balloon. It takes those thoughts I had been feeling and the ones I wrote on the balloon directly to Dad. It almost feels as if it lifts that burden from me.....find what makes you feel good and do that....Please know you are in my prayers....


Melana
 

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My dad passed away unexpectedly in September of 2003 from complications from elective surgery. The day he died was supposed to be the day he came home. Since it was so unexpected, I think that it didn't really sink in for quite awhile.

Like your birthday, I find the holidays and family moments to be the hardest. It has been particulorly hard lately as my granddaughter - his first greatchild was born just a few weeks ago. I was thinking this morning how much fun he would have had with her, wondering if somehow he knew about her.

He missed my daughter's wedding, too, which was soon after his death. My ex- husband answered when asked who gives the bride away that he did on behalf of her grandfather. There wasn't a dry eye in the place.

We have an odd tradition now. Someone (my mom or sister)noticed how one of my sister's Tom Clark gnomes looked so much like my Dad, the one wearing the little Scottish tam just like he always wore to keep his bald head warm. So the gnome has become our family symbol. He sits in the now empty chair that my Dad used to sit in every Christmas while we unwrap presents and he came to the wedding. The gnome also went to South Carolina a few weeks ago when we saw the baby for the first time. Somehow that silly little statue fills a now-empty space and puts a smile where a tear might otherwise be.
 

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I'm so sorry to hear you are lonely and missing your dad. My grandmother passed away in August and not a day goes by that I don't miss her like crazy. We took the dogs up to see her before she died and we have some awesome pictures of them together but I have a hard time looking at them because they make me so sad.. I'm getting misty just thinking about it. I have to admit that I'm in total denial so I wish I could give you some sage advice to help you out but all I can say is take it day by day and treasure the time you did have with him.
 

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Cheryl, Happy Birthday


I'm so sorry for your loss and your sadness on your birthday. My birthday was also yesterday, and your message made me think of my mother and how I will miss her when she goes (she is not in the best of health). I just don't know how I will fill the space in my heart either.

I hope you are feeling a little better today. Please know that you are not alone and have many friends here who want to help you in any way we can.
 

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I am so glad that Kallie's mom mentioned a support group. I think it would be an awesome idea, and the memory board is an excellant idea. It is hard when we have the most recent memories of the ones we love as being sick, to remember the great times and when they were so full of life. Having been a Minister you know he was fully prepared for his passing and is in heaven free of any illness and loving looking down on you on your special day. I lost my mom when I was 6 years old and I tell you it has been 34 years and I still think of her on many occasions, sometimes with sadness that she was missing a special occasion and othertimes with great happiness to have been blessed even for those 6 years with a mom that was so amazing. It sounds like you were very blessed in your relationship with your dad, I am so sorry for your loss and hope you will find comfort in knowing he is with his heavenly father waiting for the day he can welcome you home...
 

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Hello Cheryl,

My prayers are with you! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother Sept. 7, 2004 so I can sympathize with how you are feeling. Her loss is what brought Baxter into my life. With him I am dealing with the grief somewhat better. Try to have a happy birthday, I am sure that is what your dad would have wanted. He is looking down smiling upon you today! Hope you feel better soon.
 
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