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From Australia ................


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After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:Took hammer away from midget
 

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Those mechanics had a great sense of humor!
 

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P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


I LOL'ed at this one! When I got in trouble as a kid, mom would give me a deadly look and warn me to "Straighten up and fly right."
 

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Originally posted by stini@Apr 23 2005, 12:09 AM
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


I LOL'ed at this one!  When I got in trouble as a kid, mom would give me a deadly look and warn me to "Straighten up and fly right."
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My mom told my sister and me this too! :D When she did, my sister and I would stand up straight and tall-make "airplane arms", and "fly" to the right! My mom would get SO aggravated! I think my dad taught us that!
 

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Oh, I have no idea where you guys find this stuff but I LOVE it!!! I laughed out loud the entire time. Tav is peeved cause I interrupted his nappy naps.
 

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hahah! I liked the midget one! LOL
 
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