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Today my mother-in-law said, "you have gained weight this summer".
All I knew to say that was nice was "yup". That woman opens mouth and never thinks. She also once said, " you will never be real little".


I'm never going to eat again !!!!!!!!!!
Can say that now, just got back from dinner. I swear, I'm going to lose weight to show her and a few others I can do it


Hubby is out of town this week, and going to excerise my hiney off... gazelle ... here I come


Wish me luck
 

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Oh don't some people say the nicest things without thinking? I know a few people like that, I just ignore them these days. Sadly I don't have my MIL as she passed away before I got to meet her, but I am sure that from what I have been told she would never have said something like that, but my dear mother would have and did, bless her heart,
I just used to say "Oh thanks mum for bringing that to my attention, I'll get onto it tomorrow"
 

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Comments like that usually make me go eat an ice-cream sundae...
 

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I totally understand how you feel. My mother in law is the same height (or even shorter) than I am and she weighs 200 lbs. Yet she has the audacity to tell me that I gained weight and I weighed around 107 lbs at that time. I did loose some weight after those comments but I could never do it just for her -- I had to do it for me. I could go on and on about her, but I will restrain myself.
 

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Ugg your MIL sounds like my MIL. My MIL does what we call "THE Observations".

Examples:

"Oh! You decided to cut your hair"

"You must have so much free time to keep your house this clean!"

"Good 'ol spaghetti, I haven't had this for so long" (this was after they showed up at my house unannounced on a Sunday- right at dinner time, when all I had thawed out was 1 lb of ground turkey- what the heck else am I supposed to fix for 4 uninvited guests!)

"A small dog, really?"

(on seeing our new house- and all the renovations we did) "I really was hoping you would get away from all the beige)

My response to all her "observations" is in a very direct tone I say "What do you mean by that?" I call her on it every time. I refuse to let her get away with it.

And then whenever we have a big annoucement she ruins it by 1. either making it about her, or 2. Asking us if we can afford it- which is crazy we have never asked them for money, we have no kids, and we are both professionals.

When we bought our first house she said "How much did it cost?" When my husband refused to tell her she said "So you aren't going to tell me?", he said no, and she asked "Well can you afford it?" *sigh*

When I call my mom her first reaction is "I am so proud of you! I am so happy for you!!!"


I have had countless talks with my MIL, I refuse to let her get away with her bad behavior, and I refuse to let someone make me feel bad about me and/or my life.

Last month when we were at their house my husband and I had a two hour talk with her about her behavior- we gave her examples of what she does, and how hurtful it is. Hopefully it is finally sinking in.

Puddles Mom- don't give in to her, and loosing weight to show her isn't the way to do it. If you want to loose weight then do it- but don't do it for anyone but you. Next time she makes a mean comment call her on it. Don't let anyone else tell you how to feel about yourself, do not give control of your thoughts and feelings to someone so hurtful. Stand up for yourself, be polite about it- but be firm that those hurtful comments are not allowed.
 

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Well I am a mil and very proud to be one, but I would never interfere or be hurtful to my daughter-inlaw because by doing that I not only hurt her I hurt my son too.
I have rules set for myself,

1. Never interfere or offer advice or help unless asked.

2. Always offer praise and encouragement if they do well.

3. Treat them as I would want them to treat me, be their best friend.

3. This one is most important to me, "love and respect them both and their children (my grandkids) as my own, and for who they are, and never judge them if they make a mistake but try to help in any way I can if asked.

I just miss seeing them on a daily basis being so far away, but then when we do get together it is wonderful.
 

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All I have to say is.. count your blessings. All of your mother in laws sound like my Mother.
I get those comments everyday of my life.
My mother in law is the best... If I want to here good comments, I go to her and ignore my mom. When we bought our first home.. I brought my mother in law to see the site... lol dirt... breaking. and she was so happy and full of joy for us both... she took our pictures in front of the dirt with a orange stick with our lot number on it. Later she helped us move in and helped me put away the dishes and clean up the home...
She treats me like a daughter... we get a long great.. the only time we did not get along was around wedding time... and I would not say we did not get along... I was just way to stress to handle the, you can't do that or this thing. I finally put my foot down and told her to speak to her son about the arrangements. Yep...

We go over to our in-law every other weekend... 1.5 hour drive.
I go shopping with my mother in law, shoes, cloths , home stuff… This lady can shop and gets all the sales too... She is amazing when it comes to shopping. We do so many things together people think I'm her daughter. She has been the mother I wish I had.

Well when I took my mom to see the finished home her comment to me was... "It's so small. Why is it so small." Like she even had a home... I'm sure she was planning to move in .. Let just say she was not invited again for two years. After that comment.

When I brought my father... his comment was "couldn't they give you some ceramic tile. They don't make homes like before".
We opted for the whirlpool tub and sky light , finished basement and second full bathroom in the basement as the ceramic could be done later. Yep that's my parents..

Oh the comment for your new home we are getting in April next year from my Dad is.. You should have gotten the two car garage one... like we have an other 200,000 more. gees. He thinks homes are so cheep like when he bought his.

I gave up years ago trying to please them both.
P.S I got that weight comment from my Mother... in front of friends. Just ignor it... even if you loose weight she will find some other thing to say aobut you. When it comes to my mother I close my ears.
 

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I would just like to add this, my mother was always very critical of anything I did too, and it was sometimes very hurtful, but, I lost her last year, she passed away, and I couldn't get back to Australia to see her before she passed. I had just had surgery to repair my smashed shoulder and wasn't allowed to fly the distance.

I would give anything to just see her once more and hug her and tell her that I love her, hear her voice, her laughter, anything, because I miss her so much.
I look back and think she may have been critical and often upsetting to me but, she was my mum and she did have some very lovely ways and was very kind and generous to all of us and anyone who needed help. I did learn to look for her better ways and ignore the things she did or said that upset me.
My point is love them now for who they are because some day they will be gone and you will miss them regardless.
 

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Try to ignore the mother in law's comments...she is obviously hurt that you "stole" her baby from her. If this makes you feel any better, my MIL constantly puts me down in front of my children, husband, family, etc. I could go on for hours of the past 15 years of comments...think Moonstruck meets Marie Barrone (Raymond). Everything is a crisis and she's always dying. Once at a cousin's house for dinner, she leaned over to me and said, "Mary isn't like you, she's a good cook." Now, I don't consider myself to be Emeril, but I am a wonderful cook and she certainly has never had a bad meal in my home. My husband just sat there (just like Raymond) while I turned 15 shades of purple. Another thing she does...never gets me a Christmas gift. So last year we decided that instead of separate gifts, we would give her one from all of us. It was a beautiful three stone diamond necklace (one for each grandchild). All night long, she kept telling people look what "Frankie" gave me. I was the one who took the kids to pick it out, wrapped it with the kids, and we got no thanks. What did my in-laws get me? Absolutely nothing. In prior years, she has always bought me some article of clothing in a much too big size (I wear a 2 and she gets a 12). As she puts it..."but you look so much larger". Ugggggrrrrhhhhh......
 

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Originally posted by saltymalty@Nov 7 2005, 11:00 AM
Try to ignore the mother in law's comments...she is obviously hurt that you "stole" her baby from her.  If this makes you feel any better, my MIL constantly puts me down in front of my children, husband, family, etc.  I could go on for hours of the past 15 years of comments...think Moonstruck meets Marie Barrone (Raymond).  Everything is a crisis and she's always dying.  Once at a cousin's house for dinner, she leaned over to me and said, "Mary isn't like you, she's a good cook."  Now, I don't consider myself to be Emeril, but I am a wonderful cook and she certainly has never had a bad meal in my home.  My husband just sat there (just like Raymond) while I turned 15 shades of purple.  Another thing she does...never gets me a Christmas gift.  So last year we decided that instead of separate gifts, we would give her one from all of us.  It was a beautiful three stone diamond necklace (one for each grandchild).  All night long, she kept telling people look what "Frankie" gave me.  I was the one who took the kids to pick it out, wrapped it with the kids, and we got no thanks.  What did my in-laws get me?  Absolutely nothing.  In prior years, she has always bought me some article of clothing in a much too big size (I wear a 2 and she gets a 12).  As she puts it..."but you look so much larger".  Ugggggrrrrhhhhh......
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My girlfriends MIL is like that. They don't not see how much you try to make an effort to get along with them.
They do think you stole there son away from them. My girlfriend did the same thing last year for her MIL birhtday...and it was just the same... look what my son and daughter got me... and it was my friends idea and she corinated everything... it so hurtfull for her. I think the bad part is . If you don't have a nice mother daughter relastionship you at least wish you have a good MIL relationship... and when that does not work out it even more hurtfull to you.. I hate seeing my friend suffer.
 

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Originally posted by saltymalty@Nov 7 2005, 08:00 AM
Try to ignore the mother in law's comments...she is obviously hurt that you "stole" her baby from her.  If this makes you feel any better, my MIL constantly puts me down in front of my children, husband, family, etc.  I could go on for hours of the past 15 years of comments...think Moonstruck meets Marie Barrone (Raymond).  Everything is a crisis and she's always dying.  Once at a cousin's house for dinner, she leaned over to me and said, "Mary isn't like you, she's a good cook."  Now, I don't consider myself to be Emeril, but I am a wonderful cook and she certainly has never had a bad meal in my home.  My husband just sat there (just like Raymond) while I turned 15 shades of purple.  Another thing she does...never gets me a Christmas gift.  So last year we decided that instead of separate gifts, we would give her one from all of us.  It was a beautiful three stone diamond necklace (one for each grandchild).  All night long, she kept telling people look what "Frankie" gave me.  I was the one who took the kids to pick it out, wrapped it with the kids, and we got no thanks.  What did my in-laws get me?  Absolutely nothing.  In prior years, she has always bought me some article of clothing in a much too big size (I wear a 2 and she gets a 12).  As she puts it..."but you look so much larger".  Ugggggrrrrhhhhh......
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You MIL sounds awful. I can't stop going on and on about mine so here is another thing she likes to say each time she sees me (which is only a few times per year) -- "how old are you now? By your age I had 3 kids already". Ughhhhhh..... She knows that we want to have kids but are waiting to be slightly more financially stable and to live together in one city and I am only 27 (not too old to have kids by any means). Just because she had 6 kids, no college education and was a stay at home mom, doesn't mean that is what everyone should do. Oh yeah, and she never gets us anything either for holidays!! So our solution is to stop buying them gifts too.
 

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I FEEL YA TOTALLY! I call my bf's mom out all the time. Once she said "Do you like your hair?" I said yeah, why? She said "you cant do anything w/short hair." I was like "uhhh, YOUR hair's short." Response, "but I'm old." I should have said "old ppl don't die their hair RED!" But oh well. LOL

But please please please dont lose weight for her! ONLY do it for yourself. It's not going to make yourself happy, and you wont feel as good as you should if you do it for yourself. And after you lose your weight, she's prolly gonna say something like "oh, you lost your boobs and butt too." So seriously, dont do it for her...do it for yourself ONLY!
 

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Originally posted by ButterCloudandNoriko@Nov 7 2005, 09:33 PM
I FEEL YA TOTALLY!  I call my bf's mom out all the time.  Once she said "Do you like your hair?"  I said yeah, why?  She said "you cant do anything w/short hair."  I was like "uhhh, YOUR hair's short."  Response, "but I'm old."  I should have said "old ppl don't die their hair RED!"  But oh well.  LOL

But please please please dont lose weight for her!  ONLY do it for yourself.  It's not going to make yourself happy, and you wont feel as good as you should if you do it for yourself.  And after you lose your weight, she's prolly gonna say something like "oh, you lost your boobs and butt too."  So seriously, dont do it for her...do it for yourself ONLY! 

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What wonderful advice. You are absolutely right.
 

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My MIL makes Marie Barrone (Raymond) seem nice. I have learned something over the last 27 years stay away from her as much as possible. Nothing that you do will ever please her because the more you try, the more it will hurt when she emotionally shoots you down and she will enjoy it. If you ever say anything to defend your self or appoligize she will attack you because she will see it as weakness and the bully will go after you. If you ever talk back to her (which I never would) she will never forget and it would be worse.

Only lose weight if you want to and not because of your MIL. Trust me if you do lose weight she will be looking for something else to try to make you unhappy.

I suppose that it has only been in the last seven years that I have gotten smarter after being verbally and emotionally abused I have learned to stay away. I hope your MIL lives more than two blocks away from you. Your mental health is worth more than what I suffered during that first 20 years.
 

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my MIL is cool, even though i am a 180 degree turn(opposites attract) from what I am sure she wished i was, she has always welcomed me, been kind to me and treated me like I was one of her own, it took me sooo long to realize this as K's parents are highly religious, i was brought up in church but at the same time to believe what i believe, not what someone will teach me, so for the longest time i thought she was out to get me

but i must say, sometimes those farthest from you are the ones closest to who you are
 

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