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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<span style="font-family:Optima">My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was
Ajar I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was
Keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom.

Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those
Were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months.... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks
Are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had
Assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into
Laughter.

Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.

Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place
Setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate,
With the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked in the tails
In so they didn't hang off the edge!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the
Other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!"</span>
 

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Premium Member
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
<span style="font-family:Optima">> > > George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are
> > > flying on Air Force One. The President looks at
> > > the Vice President, chuckles,
> > >
> > > and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out
> > > the window right now and make somebody very happy."
> > >
> > > The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could
> > > throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10
> > > people very happy."
> > >
> > > Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says,
> > > "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the
> > > window and make a hundred people very happy."
> > >
> > > The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot,
> > > "Such arrogant asses back there. heck, I could
> > > throw the three of them out the window and make
> > > 56 million people really happy."</span>
 

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13,652 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<span style="font-family:Optima">>> > An Irish woman of advanced age visited her
>> > physician to ask his help in reviving her
>> > husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra? asks
>> > the doctor.
>> >
>> > Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an
>> > aspirin".
>> >
>> > "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an
>> > Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't
>> > even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week
>> > to let me know how things went".
>> >
>> > It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor,
>> > who directly inquired as to progress. The poor
>> > dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
>> > T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!".
>> >
>> > "Really? What happened" asked the doctor?
>> >
>> > Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his
>> > coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He
>> > jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his
>> > eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With
>> > one swoop of his arm, he sent thecups and
>> > tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters
>> > and took me then and there, making wild, mad,
>> > passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a
>> > nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
>> >
>> > Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean
>> > the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?
>> >
>> > "Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed!
>> > 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure
>> > as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me
>> > face in Starbucks again".</span>
 
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