I think that Little C being female and my being female helped in the bonding around spaying time. There was some guilt at removing her "woman's" parts. Sometimes I told myself it was unnecessary since Sir N had already been abbreviated. I kept wondering if I would have been truly happy if MY mother had paid someone to remove my uterus and ovaries when I was a baby. (Okay, I would have and wish she did.) I felt bad that I was depriving her of motherhood because I've HEARD that people enjoy it. The biggest thing was when I realized she could die. There were some complications during her surgery and when I though that I might have to return home, without her, and without an appointment to pick her up later that day--having to go home to Sir N without his annoying little buddy in my arms--when I thought about not having any half-crazed running up and down the hallway, important papers getting shredded, having melting eyes gaze into mine right after finding poo on the floor, having those sweet early morning snuggles and kisses and random feet attacks....I'm about to make myself cry right now and I have to leave for work.
My fingers are crossed for you and her.
