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It was after Little C's spay that I realized I was getting really attached to her. I stayed there until the surgery was finished and I saw her being put into a little cage for some recovery time. Thankfully, I had read about how it will look like they are choking (because of the tube taken out of their throat afterwards) because I might have gone postal on the poor vet otherwise. Anyway, I barely made it out of the clinic's door when I burst into hysterical sobs. I managed to make my way into a little alley where I had myself a good long cry. Our relationship changed even more when she came home. My fingers are crossed that you will have the same experience. :D Not that I'm wishing hysterical tears on you..... I hope you know what I mean! :D I had been having a hard time getting close to Little C, so it was a breakthrough point for me. That's when it started to change from wanting to love her to actually loving her.
 

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I think that Little C being female and my being female helped in the bonding around spaying time. There was some guilt at removing her "woman's" parts. Sometimes I told myself it was unnecessary since Sir N had already been abbreviated. I kept wondering if I would have been truly happy if MY mother had paid someone to remove my uterus and ovaries when I was a baby. (Okay, I would have and wish she did.) I felt bad that I was depriving her of motherhood because I've HEARD that people enjoy it. The biggest thing was when I realized she could die. There were some complications during her surgery and when I though that I might have to return home, without her, and without an appointment to pick her up later that day--having to go home to Sir N without his annoying little buddy in my arms--when I thought about not having any half-crazed running up and down the hallway, important papers getting shredded, having melting eyes gaze into mine right after finding poo on the floor, having those sweet early morning snuggles and kisses and random feet attacks....I'm about to make myself cry right now and I have to leave for work.

My fingers are crossed for you and her.
 
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