Stay At Home Moms

3223 Views 40 Replies 22 Participants Last post by Matilda's mommy, May 6, 2010

Miss_Annie

Discussion Starter · May 4, 2010

I know there's several of you on here that are stay at home moms or "homemakers". I was just wondering if you guys have ever regretted not getting a full blown career. Being a stay at home mom has always been my dream, but before it didn't seem like it was possible. Now that I'm in a situation that it is possible, I would like some opinions from other women that have lived it.

My mom was a stay at home mom and she says that it's the best decision she has ever made. We are all so close, but I thought all families were like us. I went to college and have met so many people that aren't close to either parents and I don't want my children growing up not knowing me and not having someone that will always be there for them.

Thank you guys in advance for you opinions.

1 - 20 of 41 Posts

llf060787

· #2 · May 4, 2010

I understand what you're going thru. When my children were born I didn't have any choice but to go back to work. I guess we could have made it on one income, but I didn't want to have to go without the little extras. I have 3 sisters that all gave up their careers to be stay-at-home moms and they made me feel guilty for my decision and sometimes I felt guilty myself. As a result of my going back to work we were able to built our own home and put both of our children thru private school.

I guess it doesn't matter whether you are a stay-at-home mom or not but what does matter is the sense of "family" that you instill in your children. My daughter is 21 and my son is 17 and heading off to college in the fall. They are not only very close to their dad and I but extremely close to their grandparents, uncles, aunts & cousins and they see them all on a weekly basis. We didn't want them growing up and hardly knowing their cousins the way a lot of their friends did. They are all best of friends and I want it to stay that way. There is nothing more important than family and if you instill that in your children it really doesn't matter whether you work or not. I wish you luck in your decision-its not an easy one.

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maltlovereileen

· #3 · May 4, 2010

Miss_Annie said:
I know there's several of you on here that are stay at home moms or "homemakers". I was just wondering if you guys have ever regretted not getting a full blown career. Being a stay at home mom has always been my dream, but before it didn't seem like it was possible. Now that I'm in a situation that it is possible, I would like some opinions from other women that have lived it.

My mom was a stay at home mom and she says that it's the best decision she has ever made. We are all so close, but I thought all families were like us. I went to college and have met so many people that aren't close to either parents and I don't want my children growing up not knowing me and not having someone that will always be there for them.

Thank you guys in advance for you opinions.

Women these days start careers at all ages ... some do so later in life after raising their kiddos

IMO, if you do something well thought out and with the best of intentions, there should be NO REGRETS

:thumbsup:

Miss_Annie

Discussion Starter · #4 · May 4, 2010

Leandra- thank you so much for letting me know that it's not supposed to be an easy decision. My friends keep telling me that I'm too smart and that "I could do something more", but to me, there's nothing better than being a wonderful mom. I kinda feel like it's what I was meant to do, biologically and emotionally. I'm truly happy when I'm cleaning, cooking and taking care of everyone and everything.

Miss_Annie

Discussion Starter · #5 · May 4, 2010

Eileen- You have a very good point. I was hoping that maybe after I have my kids and get them out of the house lol, that I could work with the local shelters and do whatever I can to help out all the homeless pets needing families. I've also thought about getting certified to be an animal trainer and becoming a wildlife rehabilitator. I'm glad that it's not actually a silly idea.

Morkie4

· #6 · May 4, 2010

I love being a fulltime domestic engineer/domestic goddess (aka home maker). All my kids (3) are grown and on their own. I have not worked outside the home in over 23 years and LOVING IT!!! I have time for myself, for my kids, my grandkids, for the fluffs, lounging, scrapbooking, etc..........I could go on and on but the opportunities are endless. I have never regretted not having a career. But is is a personal decision and I have heard from others that they get bored.........I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN BORED!!!! I guess it depends on where you motivation and heart takes you.

Miss_Annie

Discussion Starter · #7 · May 4, 2010

Morkie4- How in the world could anyone get bored?! I would absolutely LOVE to have that kind of life!! and I LOVE the term domestic goddess. lol It sounds pretty accurate too!

LJSquishy

· #8 · May 4, 2010

I don't have children, but I am a housewife. It was the best decision I ever made. When both my husband and I worked full-time, I would come home very unhappy after a long day at work, and then trying to work out who did the cooking, cleaning, etc was just too much. It left hardly any time to chat and enjoy each other.

Now, my husband knows when he comes home from work there is dinner ready, I do all of the cleaning during the day, and he loves having me around when he's home. Any time I go out of town to visit family for a few days without him, he says how lonely it is. It has made our marriage less stressful for sure. You do have to make sacrifices, though, monetary-wise. We don't get to buy all of the fancy gadgets we once did, but it's so worth it.

I came from a household with two full-time working parents, and I hated it. They didn't come home until 5:30-6pm on weekdays, and once they came home they wanted to relax (but had to cook dinner) and it was such a stressful environment. I don't like the idea of people having children and only seeing them for 3 hours per day before bedtime, and 1 hour before they're off to school. I was by no means neglected, but I remember feeling starved for attention at times. I wish one of my parents were able to only work part-time or not at all. We never struggled financially, though, because they both had careers so I suppose that is something to think about.

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beckinwolf

· #9 · May 4, 2010 (Edited)

I have the greatest respect for SAHMs, but its not for everyone. Good luck with your choice.

Miss_Annie

Discussion Starter · #10 · May 4, 2010

LJSquishy- I thought about that too. I really want a healthy marriage when it happens, because my parents were together, but they weren't happy. I want to be happy and be able to show my children what a healthy relationship looks like, and I want that implanted in them. I'm glad that you choose to be happy over having fancy gagets. Happiness really can't be bought.

I'm thrilled that everyone that has responded is so supportive. I half-way expected to be told that a career is more important. I'm still going to get my bachelors degree with a major in biology and minor in chem, and don't believe that I will be wasting it in the least bit. An intelligent mamma raises intelligent children.

Miss_Annie

Discussion Starter · #11 · May 4, 2010

beckinwolf- lol You remind me so much of a friend I had in highschool. She always told me that I had too much estrogen and should go see a doctor or that I should've been born in the '50s. All opinions are welcome.

I'm glad that there are empowered women out there in the workforce because I don't know what the boys out there would do without us women straightening them out. :HistericalSmiley:

I found nemo

· #12 · May 4, 2010

beckinwolf said:
For a different perspective, I'm so glad I live in a time when women have a choice NOT to get married and have kids. I'd be SO miserable if I had to be a stay at home mom. I'm sure I'd feel useless and stupid. What are you supposed to do all day when the kids are at school? Just sit there? Cook, and clean, and shop. Blah... I can do all that and work too. But then, I am single, so I have no choice but to work. But even if I wasn't single, I'd still work. I just know I would. I couldn't sit in the house all day and stare at the walls or watch soap operas. If you want to and feel you wouldn't be bored, then go for it, but its certainly not for everyone. I suppose I'd feel different if I was a mom, or a domestic type, but I'm way too selfish to even be involved in a relationship period. I don't want to be a slave to my home. I want to earn a living, contribute to society, and feel like I've accomplished something, other than just having kids. That's best left to other women who would actually enjoy it. Sorry for rambling... just my opinion, and we all know about those...:thumbsup:

I really take offense to your post. Not for your choice, but for your wording.
I am not a slave to my home nor am I useless nor do I watch soap operas all day :blink: I don't even like them.
I think the most selfless thing you can do is be a stay at home mom, do you have any idea how hard I work for my family> for you to sit here and type those words, are to me, mean and very insensitive.
I have accomplished something, my 3 beautiful boys . I don't shop at all honestly, everything I do is for my family. I thank God for being given the opportunity of not having to work and I always sit here in amazement at the
mom's who do work all friggin day and then have to come home and work more.
I just think that you could be a little more kinder in your wording. Whether you believe it or not being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world.
Thank You

Lindy

· #13 · May 4, 2010

I'm a stay at home mom. I have never regretted it. Sure I don't have everything I want. Who does? The important thing is, I have everything I need. My kids have always known that I will be there for them, not to spoil them, but to guide them. To me, it is THE most important job anyone could have.

Nikki's Mom

· #14 · May 4, 2010

Being a stay at home mom is an incredible job. I've not had kids myself, but I've seen the stay-at-home moms in my circle of friends and family and it is really the most important job anyone could have. Sure, there are down sides to it, but seriously, what a great job.

I am no longer working outside the home and I have no regrets at all. My first priority is taking care of my husband, and I love that job. I'm writing a book, so I'm not making any money. Living on one salary is tough sometimes, but I'd much rather do without "stuff" than have to go back to the corporate world. I wouldn't trade my life for that again, ever!! I'm never bored, always have a lot to do, and it's funny how I've ended up helping a lot of people because I was the one friend who was available to them during the day when others were not.

If I were young and had kids, I'd trade any career in the world to be a stay-at-home mom. Oh sure, maybe I'd do some work-at-home stuff from time to time to make a little extra money if I could, but I'd want to be there for my kids.

What more important job could there be than raising the next generation?

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beckinwolf

· #15 · May 4, 2010

I found nemo said:
I really take offense to your post. Not for your choice, but for your wording.
I am not a slave to my home nor am I useless nor do I watch soap operas all day :blink: I don't even like them.
I think the most selfless thing you can do is be a stay at home mom, do you have any idea how hard I work for my family> for you to sit here and type those words, are to me, mean and very insensitive.
I have accomplished something, my 3 beautiful boys . I don't shop at all honestly, everything I do is for my family. I thank God for being given the opportunity of not having to work and I always sit here in amazement at the
mom's who do work all friggin day and then have to come home and work more.
I just think that you could be a little more kinder in your wording. Whether you believe it or not being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world.
Thank You

:brownbag::yield:

I'm really sorry I offended you. I know its a really hard job, and I'm glad there are some women out there who can do it. I'm just glad I don't HAVE to. I wasn't saying that SAHMs were useless or haven't accomplished anything, I was saying that's 'I' would probably feel. I'm just the weird one because I'm 30 and not a mom, married, engaged, or even dating. My eggs are drying up! You know how there's a lot of pressure out there to hurry up and get hooked...guess I'm a late bloomer.

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be mean. I'm just clueless...:hiding:

missiek

· #16 · May 4, 2010 (Edited)

I am a stay at home Mom and have not worked outside the home since my oldest was 2. It was a decision both my husband and myself made together. I didn't want my kids in daycare all day only to see them a few hours at night. God has blessed my hubby with a senior enlisted Army job (for the first 8 years of our marriage) and now with a job as a computer geek that pays enough to allow me to stay home.

I don't regret it one bit. I love being here for my kids. And even homeschool the oldest 3! lol I also love it for my malts as we are here a lot of the time and I can tend to them and play with them throughout the day without leaving them couped up all day.

But like Eileen said, my options are always open. After my kids are grown, nothing is stopping me from going to college and/or getting a career. My husband's Grandma is my hero. She was a stay at home mom and raised 8 kids. Then went to nursing school in her 50's and was an RN for another 20 years!

my .02

I found nemo

· #17 · May 4, 2010

beckinwolf said:
:brownbag::yield: I'm really sorry I offended you. I know its a really hard job, and I'm glad there are some women out there who can do it. I'm just glad I don't HAVE to. I wasn't saying that SAHMs were useless or haven't accomplished anything, I was saying that's 'I' would probably feel. I'm just the weird one because I'm 30 and not a mom, married, engaged, or even dating. My eggs are drying up! You know how there's a lot of pressure out there to hurry up and get hooked...guess I'm a late bloomer.

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be mean. I'm just clueless...:hiding:

I appreciate your post. I wasn't angry I just felt a little offended :blush:
Thank you for taking the time to explain your post to me.

Delilahs Mommy

· #18 · May 4, 2010

I have been a SAHM since my oldest son, who will be 13 in July was born. I did earn my Real Estate license when he was a yr old and did that on the side, but was able to do it from my home and when I wanted to. But in 2004, when DS #3 came along, I hung it up. I couldn't juggle 5 kids and a greedy broker. I guess it was important to me to be able to stay at home and them not be a "latch key' kid, like my sister and I were. My Mom, who raised us as a single parent, worked as many as 3 jobs at once to make sure we lived in a great neighborhood and went to good schools. I have always been very close to my Mom though, she lives 3 houses down from us NOW!

But since I have been a SAHM, I was able to go back to college and earn my college degree and right now working on my MBA. My youngest who is 4, will be starting pre-k this fall, so all the kiddos will be in school full time. I do plan on re-activating my real estate license and working during the day until the kids are out of school and also on the weekends for a few hours.

I have never regretted being a SAHM. I feel that I am very fortunate to have been able to do so. But, I also evny the women who hold a full time job, plus kids,house and hubby. My hat goes off to them! :aktion033::aktion033::thumbsup:

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Katkoota

· #19 · May 4, 2010

Miss_Annie said:
I would like some opinions from other women that have lived it.

My mom was a stay at home mom and she says that it's the best decision she has ever made. We are all so close, but I thought all families were like us. I went to college and have met so many people that aren't close to either parents and I don't want my children growing up not knowing me and not having someone that will always be there for them.

Thank you guys in advance for you opinions.

No opinion regarding this topic since I am not a mum yet.

As a little kid growing up, I had a working mum (mum is a teacher - a great one not only for her own children but to many others in the society). Nevertheless, she was and still is ALWAYS there for me:wub:

Kat

spookiesmom

· #20 · May 4, 2010

My mom stayed home, as did MIL. I worked part time, if and when I wanted something pricey we couldn't easily afford otherwise. When we moved to Fl, I needed to find work that came with insurance, as hubby went self employed. I started in the school district here. For me, having the same time off as DD did was worth it. Then you get spoiled with all that time off, same as the kids! 23 years later, I retired last week.

My daughter is a teacher, so she pretty much has the same schedule as the grands. SIL is in the medical field, and does 40 hours over the weekend, so the grands are not in day care. But it is hard for her to juggle all that, even with her hubby home with the kids.

It can be done, and those who do work outside the home get my kudos. I think you need a good support system in place too. If you choose to stay home, that's ok too. Don't let anybody make your choices for you!

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