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Discussion Starter #1
I don't understand it.. It seems childish, but if I'm willing to help others, then why do they take advantage of that? I'm just having a personal problem and I need to vent. I've always tried to pick my friends wisely, they've always been people that I *thought* I could really trust. It's hard to beat around the bush. There is a lady who is the girlfriend of this guy I used to date. He was my bestfriend, we tried to stay friends, but she came between us and made things miserable. Now she is trying to network with my group of close-knit friends. She told one of them that they don't need me as a friend and that they should "push that b*%%* out of their group". (We call it our group). She took my bestfriend from me because she said that it wasn't right that we stay friends. Now she wants to take the rest of my friends (which are my ex-bf's friends too). I am a quiet person, I keep to myself. This seems so "high school". She is 29 years old, I'm 22. I see that if my friends do go ahead and start socializing with her, then that's fine, but if they intentionally leave me out for the purpose of choosing to be her friend and not mine, I didn't need them in my life anyway. See, about 2 weeks ago I prayed and asked God to help me and show me how to distinguish the fake from real friends. It's so sad that out of my group of 6 friends, only one is left. I guess there's a bigger plan for me that doesn't include those people, right?
 

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I don't understand it.. It seems childish, but if I'm willing to help others, then why do they take advantage of that? I'm just having a personal problem and I need to vent. I've always tried to pick my friends wisely, they've always been people that I *thought* I could really trust. It's hard to beat around the bush. There is a lady who is the girlfriend of this guy I used to date. He was my bestfriend, we tried to stay friends, but she came between us and made things miserable. Now she is trying to network with my group of close-knit friends. She told one of them that they don't need me as a friend and that they should "push that b*%%* out of their group". (We call it our group). She took my bestfriend from me because she said that it wasn't right that we stay friends. Now she wants to take the rest of my friends (which are my ex-bf's friends too). I am a quiet person, I keep to myself. This seems so "high school". She is 29 years old, I'm 22. I see that if my friends do go ahead and start socializing with her, then that's fine, but if they intentionally leave me out for the purpose of choosing to be her friend and not mine, I didn't need them in my life anyway. See, about 2 weeks ago I prayed and asked God to help me and show me how to distinguish the fake from real friends. It's so sad that out of my group of 6 friends, only one is left. I guess there's a bigger plan for me that doesn't include those people, right?[/B]
She sounds like she is a very insecure person. She does not have enough confidence in herself or her relationship with your old b/f to not consider you a threat. If the "friends" are really your friends they will see through her and will be back on your side. If not, then you don't want them as friends anyway. Just stay sweet, you should not have to "justify" yourself to her or anyone else. Here is a good definition of a friend:

A friend is someone who can see through you and still enjoy the view.
~Author unknown

Keep your chin up. Please do not let this miserable woman spoil your holidays. They only come around once a year. (Too bad she doesn't
)
 

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Think of it this way...if any of your friends choose to associate themselves with her and exclude you, not only are they losing you as a terrific friend, they are going to be this woman's next victims. I truly believe that there are people whose sole purpose for being on the planet is to spread misery. They are soo unhappy with themselves that they can't bear to see anyone else happy either. Don't worry, eventually she'll be moving on to cause trouble elsewhere...and any "friends" that you may have lost in the process were not friends to begin with. So cheer up!!!!!
 

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I'm sorry. This does sound very high school. You should rise above this and try and move on with your life. True friends wouldn't desert you....
 

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It sounds to me that she is a very insecure of herself. But at the same time she deep down admires you and wants to be like you.

I find it amazing that you are (or if appropriate..were) friends with your ex-boyfrieds.... I've got several friends that are female that I dated during my courting years, and we are still friends....... and these women are friends with my wife, and my wife is friends with them. Even one of these women babysits our little boy, and my wife wouldn't think of trying to find anyone else to keep him.

I wish you the best of luck in that everything works out to your best advantage, and I'm sure you will know who your REAL friends are once this is over for you.
 

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I'm so sorry you're having friend issues. I think there comes a time in life when great friends are hard to keep because you mature and they don't, but don't let it keep you down ok? The upside to this is the friends you do keep around get to spend more time with you and you become closer with them because they're really there for you and good people. Its better to have one or two wonderful friends than lots of idiots depressing you.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
You guys are all so nice, thanks for the advice, words of wisdom, and cheering-up. Last night none of my friends called me, they all disappeared, except for one. My friend (the ex) called me and he told me that he suggested they have the party at his girlfriend's house so that she would be occupied and he'd be able to hang out with me. We kind of got into an arguement because there is still an attraction between us and I am thinking about moving (3 hours away) but he wants me to stay. I told him that I'm not his girlfriend, he has one, and that I can't keep acting like I'm the one he's going to end up with. He's my bestfriend, the first person I've loved, and I need to move on with my life. Yeah, we can still be friends, but I just don't know. He said that he's leaving her, he has more dreams and goals he wishes to pursue and she tries to hold him back. From what he tells me, she is content with mediocrity, struggling to pay bills, barely surviving. She cleans houses for a living (not that I'm putting that down) but I've talked to her and she says she CANT go to school because she wasn't raised that way (whatever that means!). But anyway, last night we were hanging out and after about 15 minutes, she starts calling his cell phone, then calling mine, then calling his. He didn't answer the first few times, but he finally did and told her he was coming home, but she kept asking where he was at and he didn't want to tell her. He said he had to go because she was drunk and would probably come and make a scene. She told me last week that if I stop all communication with him altogether, she gives him a week to leave her so he can continue to talk to me and all of that. She said she knows he'd miss me. So if she knows all of this, then why does she try to come between us? That's like him telling her that she can't talk to her bestfriend anymore. She knows that we still have love for eachother, but if she is secure in her relationship, why does she let her mind get carried away?

It sounds to me that she is a very insecure of herself. But at the same time she deep down admires you and wants to be like you.

I find it amazing that you are (or if appropriate..were) friends with your ex-boyfrieds.... I've got several friends that are female that I dated during my courting years, and we are still friends....... and these women are friends with my wife, and my wife is friends with them. Even one of these women babysits our little boy, and my wife wouldn't think of trying to find anyone else to keep him.

I wish you the best of luck in that everything works out to your best advantage, and I'm sure you will know who your REAL friends are once this is over for you.[/B]
I'm not friends with any other guys I've dated. This one though, he was my first love, so it's hard to imagine life without him being in it in some way, shape or form. It's hard though because I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't even look at other guys the way I look at him. He's basically the one I measure everyone against and compare them to. So far, no one has even come close to being able to stand next to him (do you get it? its hard to explain). I've known him for almost 4 years and we've dated off and on for the past 2 years. He's dated other girls, they've all asked him not to be my friend, then after a couple weeks or a month, he calls and tells me he's sorry and that he's leaving that girlfriend he's with at the time. Then we try to be friends, we get close, then we start dating again, then we stop. I think he's afraid to be alone. He told my mom (like a week or two ago) that he was going to be her son-in-law. He called her mommy and she was like "okay, why are you calling me mommy?". Does that mean anything? I'm so relationship challenged. I over analyze everything!
 

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You guys are all so nice, thanks for the advice, words of wisdom, and cheering-up. Last night none of my friends called me, they all disappeared, except for one. My friend (the ex) called me and he told me that he suggested they have the party at his girlfriend's house so that she would be occupied and he'd be able to hang out with me. We kind of got into an arguement because there is still an attraction between us and I am thinking about moving (3 hours away) but he wants me to stay. I told him that I'm not his girlfriend, he has one, and that I can't keep acting like I'm the one he's going to end up with. He's my bestfriend, the first person I've loved, and I need to move on with my life. Yeah, we can still be friends, but I just don't know. He said that he's leaving her, he has more dreams and goals he wishes to pursue and she tries to hold him back. From what he tells me, she is content with mediocrity, struggling to pay bills, barely surviving. She cleans houses for a living (not that I'm putting that down) but I've talked to her and she says she CANT go to school because she wasn't raised that way (whatever that means!). But anyway, last night we were hanging out and after about 15 minutes, she starts calling his cell phone, then calling mine, then calling his. He didn't answer the first few times, but he finally did and told her he was coming home, but she kept asking where he was at and he didn't want to tell her. He said he had to go because she was drunk and would probably come and make a scene. She told me last week that if I stop all communication with him altogether, she gives him a week to leave her so he can continue to talk to me and all of that. She said she knows he'd miss me. So if she knows all of this, then why does she try to come between us? That's like him telling her that she can't talk to her bestfriend anymore. She knows that we still have love for eachother, but if she is secure in her relationship, why does she let her mind get carried away?

It sounds to me that she is a very insecure of herself. But at the same time she deep down admires you and wants to be like you.

I find it amazing that you are (or if appropriate..were) friends with your ex-boyfrieds.... I've got several friends that are female that I dated during my courting years, and we are still friends....... and these women are friends with my wife, and my wife is friends with them. Even one of these women babysits our little boy, and my wife wouldn't think of trying to find anyone else to keep him.

I wish you the best of luck in that everything works out to your best advantage, and I'm sure you will know who your REAL friends are once this is over for you.[/B]
I'm not friends with any other guys I've dated. This one though, he was my first love, so it's hard to imagine life without him being in it in some way, shape or form. It's hard though because I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't even look at other guys the way I look at him. He's basically the one I measure everyone against and compare them to. So far, no one has even come close to being able to stand next to him (do you get it? its hard to explain). I've known him for almost 4 years and we've dated off and on for the past 2 years. He's dated other girls, they've all asked him not to be my friend, then after a couple weeks or a month, he calls and tells me he's sorry and that he's leaving that girlfriend he's with at the time. Then we try to be friends, we get close, then we start dating again, then we stop. I think he's afraid to be alone. He told my mom (like a week or two ago) that he was going to be her son-in-law. He called her mommy and she was like "okay, why are you calling me mommy?". Does that mean anything? I'm so relationship challenged. I over analyze everything!
[/B]
I think you need to run as fast as you can from this man. This sounds like a relationship that is doomed from the start. He can not make a commetment to you and he keeps running after other women.
There are some people who you find yourself attracted to but are toxic to you.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I think you need to run as fast as you can from this man. This sounds like a relationship that is doomed from the start. He can not make a commetment to you and he keeps running after other women.
There are some people who you find yourself attracted to but are toxic to you.[/B]
I am starting to think that now. At first I thought that maybe if we just worked on our friendship and built that up, then in the end if it was right, a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend committment thing) would come after. I figured he would change, which he has a little bit. He's been with this girl for a year now and they constantly argue n such, but shouldn't he have left that relationship by now? I just don't know how to distance myself.
 

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I'm going a somewhat similar situation as you right now...
I had 4 really close friends that I have known for close to 10yrs each. Well... now that alot of things are happening in my life... none of these supposive friends are giving me the time of day! I called the one to just talk cause I was upset and she just sat there and was being shady like she didnt want to talk or didnt care. Soo... I hung up. My point is... I'm really hurt by these 4 (I thought were) important people in my life. I have always gone out of my way for them too... so I feel walked on... I guess its true that sometimes in life... if you come out with 1 really TRUE friend your LUCKY.


keep your chin up... its hard.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I'm going a somewhat similar situation as you right now...
I had 4 really close friends that I have known for close to 10yrs each. Well... now that alot of things are happening in my life... none of these supposive friends are giving me the time of day! I called the one to just talk cause I was upset and she just sat there and was being shady like she didnt want to talk or didnt care. Soo... I hung up. My point is... I'm really hurt by these 4 (I thought were) important people in my life. I have always gone out of my way for them too... so I feel walked on... I guess its true that sometimes in life... if you come out with 1 really TRUE friend your LUCKY.


keep your chin up... its hard.[/B]
It's so sad how people can do you that way. I wouldn't ever do that to a friend, wouldn't dream of it. It's hard to see that they'd do it to you! I just cant get over that!! That has always been my downfall when it comes to social groups n such. I ALWAYS get walked all over by people that I come across. One "friend" said that I am too nice, I need to stop doing things for everyone and stop going out of my way. So I kinda did, I only do things for a couple of people and when other people (friends of friends that I dont know) ask me for things I tell them "Do I know you?" "Do I look like a taxi?" and then they try to talk bad about my car because it got in a little accident and the fender is smashed in the front a little. Or I hear people say "Oh that car is f$$%ed up!" and I just say "Yeah, I have a 300, what do you drive? Nothing." Sometimes i have to be mean to people because they take my quietness and kindness for weakness. One girl was picking on me because she said that she thought she could, because I was weak. I mean, we are all over 20, over 18, we've been out of high school for how long? Why do people pick on others at this age? This is why I don't have many friends. I just try to keep to myself, stay at home, or go hang out with my cousins (a whole other drama story there). When I was in middle school I was very popular until I got picked on because of it by a small group of girls. Then in high school I felt that girls were only my friends because my brother was a star athlete (lots of girls wanted me to tell my brother to take them to dances, etc). These kinds of things have left a lasting impression on me when it comes to making friends and socializing with people. This year's holiday season isn't going so well for me...
 

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You did the right thing praying for discernment, and if you ended up with one "true" friend
you are on top!

I thought it was great you and your ex remained friends, until you got to the part about
still having an attraction. I may be old fashioned, but if you are his "best" friend, what is
his new girlfriend? I would be majorly unhappy with my hub having a female best friend.
I'm seeing red-flags, and agree with Lacei2, it is a bad situation and you need to run!
 

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Discussion Starter #13
This is like a soap opera or something. Things keep happening and i feel the need to add to the story. So my friends call me (the one with the child's b-day) and the girl that lives with her. They told me that HE wanted them to have the b-day party over at her house so he could come and talk to me, hang out, whatever, without having her driving around looking for him or harassing us. They said that they didn't want to go (but I'm sure they enjoyed themselves the entire time they were there) and they said that his girlfriend kept talking about me and asking about me and wanted to use their cell phone to call me (she disconnected her phones so she isnt tempted to call around looking for him or me or calling our phones). One of my friends told her that he and I weren't together, that we got into an arguement about some presents and last night the girlfriend called me to ask me about it. I just told her no and I'd appreciate it if she'd leave me alone and stop calling me, then hung up. So I told my friend and she told me that she said that to see if she'd keep it to herself. (We didn't argue about any presents). So everyone is testing everyone to see if they'll run and tell the next person? trying to see who they can/cant trust? This is too much for me!

as for the attraction part, there isn't anyone that I want or think of. We are friends, that's fine, but I just don't feel any type of way about any man that i come across. Sometimes i feel like, is this the life i am doomed to be stuck with? I'm not settling or content with the situation but i am still wondering where that perfect man for me is at. I'm not saying that i am just waiting for a man, not at all. I am trying to establish myself first and eventually a man will come along and find ME. Right now I am open to all possibilities. This is so complicated, i have had a headache for the majority of the past week and i am stuck in a daze thinking about things like 75% of the time. I analyze things thinking of the alternatives, what something could mean, what it might mean, what it doesnt mean, what it most likely means, etc. I need to get off of the subject while i'm at work. i just start into my daze again.
 
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