I need some advice on what to do… well, I think I know what I need to do, just not how to go about it.
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Some of you guys may remember that I mentioned moving in to a house with a co-coach from my gym club in June this year. Well, I’ve really changed my mind about it. When I originally made the decision, everything was ok – but in the last few weeks I’ve learnt a lot about this girl and I really don’t want to take the risk of moving in with her. -_- These are the things that have happened.
*She decided one night, when she was supposed to be working (we were supposed to supervise about 40 kids for a fund-raising sleepover) that she would instead drive to a city 7 hours away to see her friends and family instead. She made this decision about half an hour after she had gotten to work and just walked out.
*She bought a video camera with her money and then whinged because she couldn’t afford to buy food for three weeks. Who buys something that they don’t need (she didn’t have a specific purpose for it, and there are at least 3 within our club community that are available to be borrowed whenever we need them)??
*She is a week behind in her rent (yet still manages to go out drinking on weekends) and says to me “I don’t care, what are they going to do? Evict me?”
*She hasn’t paid her mobile phone bill and says “they’ll just have to wait. I’ll pay when I’m ready and no sooner”.
*She wanted to go out for the night. I live in a different town (about 30 minutes away). I told her I didn’t really want to go out but I’d go for a couple of drinks and a dinner at the local pub. I had worked all week (I work 73.5 hours a week) and had to work from 9am-4.30pm coaching the next day, so I didn’t want to be out late. She got really cranky at me when we got out because she obviously thought she would change my mind. I reminded her that I also didn’t have the money to go drinking. She only had about $20 and spent it all on alcohol, then asked me if I had any money. I didn’t. She then tried to get money off her maxed out credit card and it wouldn’t let her. She then came back to me and said “You have a credit card don’t you?” and I said “Yes” and she said “It’s not maxed out is it” and I said “Close enough”… she then asked me if I could get cash out on it so that she could have some more money to go out and drink!!!!!! She wanted me to pay 20% interest on cash advance on my credit card for her to drink!!! The story gets worse though….
While I was there, I saw one of my mates from work. I work directly with him all day, 5 days a week. I introduced her to him. After an hour or two SHE ASKED HIM FOR MONEY. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I apologised profusely and continue to do so, but I still feel the sting of embarrassment every day from her doing that
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*Late last week I got my phone bill. It is usually around $30-$40. I got the worst surprise when I opened it up and it said $75!!! When I looked at it, there were 5 long distance telephone calls (I don’t call long distance – it’d be a very rare occasion)… all of them made by her (she stayed at my house after she went out another night – I trusted her in my home while I was at work and then gave her a lift home in the afternoon). ONE OF THEM WAS OVER 100 MINUTES $23!!!! Who goes to somebody else’s place and makes phone calls?!??! I trusted her in my home! I only wander what else she did?! She probably went through everything I own – and now I feel very betrayed! On top of that, I have an extra $25 odd dollars to pay on my phone bill that I didn’t use!
Am I being over the top by saying that I just don’t want to live with her?
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My feelings are that no matter what, she has no control over her money – she’s not mature enough to handle it. She could have all the money in the world but she is still unable to budget and take care of herself properly. She seems to me to be incapable of living within her means.
I am the type of person who has never had an outstanding or overdue bill. I pay everything on time and that’s the way I like to. I ensure that I stay 2 weeks minimum ahead in my rental payments, etc. I pay my bills, THEN I look at what I have left to spend on me. If I only have $20 spare, I only spend $20. I would also feed Abby before I fed myself. I feel the same way to her as I would a child. I would feed the child before I fed myself. I never let it get to a situation where I can’t afford to feed myself (I have had very lean weeks of eating pastas on special and tinned food before), but I’ve never been in that position because of carelessness and living outside of my means (that time was because of extremely high medical bills because I was very sick).
I get the feeling that it will be the case with her that the bill will come along, I will want it paid on time (not wanting a black mark on my name), she will claim she has no money and ask me if I can cover it and she’ll pay me back when she gets paid and I will never see the money again…
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I can’t take that sort of step backwards. I’m 22. I want to buy a house soon. (What I don’t understand is that this girl is 23! Surely she has more stability and maturity than this!) If I can’t even trust her as a guest in my home now, how can I trust her when I live with her?!
I’m not a confrontational person. I can’t just go up and blast her. I don’t know why, but I just can’t. And now I need to be able to tell her that I’m not moving in. I feel like she is going to “sting” me by backstabbing me and making me out to people at the club to be an awful person for not moving in with her.
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I could very well just turn around and tell them everything above and that would settle the issue – but I’m not a sadistic person – despite her doing it to me, I wouldn’t want to go so low as to do it back to her
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What do I do?? This has been eating away at me and I can’t sleep properly or concentrate because of it, I’ve even lost my appetite and feel like I am slipping into depression over it. I was going to talk to a friend who is a mother of three girls at our club. She is lovely, she’s very smart but she’s also very sensitive, so she would be able to help me approach it. But again, I just get shy at face to face stuff (don’t ask me how I coach! Something just ‘happens’ when I’m out there with the kids! LOL). And I worry that I will make her think badly of this girl – she coaches two of her daughters… I know she wouldn’t say anything ever, but I just don’t like the thought of making other people hate somebody for something that has happened with me
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Does that make sense?
PS – I’m sorry this is so long…
Some of you guys may remember that I mentioned moving in to a house with a co-coach from my gym club in June this year. Well, I’ve really changed my mind about it. When I originally made the decision, everything was ok – but in the last few weeks I’ve learnt a lot about this girl and I really don’t want to take the risk of moving in with her. -_- These are the things that have happened.
*She decided one night, when she was supposed to be working (we were supposed to supervise about 40 kids for a fund-raising sleepover) that she would instead drive to a city 7 hours away to see her friends and family instead. She made this decision about half an hour after she had gotten to work and just walked out.
*She bought a video camera with her money and then whinged because she couldn’t afford to buy food for three weeks. Who buys something that they don’t need (she didn’t have a specific purpose for it, and there are at least 3 within our club community that are available to be borrowed whenever we need them)??
*She is a week behind in her rent (yet still manages to go out drinking on weekends) and says to me “I don’t care, what are they going to do? Evict me?”
*She hasn’t paid her mobile phone bill and says “they’ll just have to wait. I’ll pay when I’m ready and no sooner”.
*She wanted to go out for the night. I live in a different town (about 30 minutes away). I told her I didn’t really want to go out but I’d go for a couple of drinks and a dinner at the local pub. I had worked all week (I work 73.5 hours a week) and had to work from 9am-4.30pm coaching the next day, so I didn’t want to be out late. She got really cranky at me when we got out because she obviously thought she would change my mind. I reminded her that I also didn’t have the money to go drinking. She only had about $20 and spent it all on alcohol, then asked me if I had any money. I didn’t. She then tried to get money off her maxed out credit card and it wouldn’t let her. She then came back to me and said “You have a credit card don’t you?” and I said “Yes” and she said “It’s not maxed out is it” and I said “Close enough”… she then asked me if I could get cash out on it so that she could have some more money to go out and drink!!!!!! She wanted me to pay 20% interest on cash advance on my credit card for her to drink!!! The story gets worse though….
While I was there, I saw one of my mates from work. I work directly with him all day, 5 days a week. I introduced her to him. After an hour or two SHE ASKED HIM FOR MONEY. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I apologised profusely and continue to do so, but I still feel the sting of embarrassment every day from her doing that
*Late last week I got my phone bill. It is usually around $30-$40. I got the worst surprise when I opened it up and it said $75!!! When I looked at it, there were 5 long distance telephone calls (I don’t call long distance – it’d be a very rare occasion)… all of them made by her (she stayed at my house after she went out another night – I trusted her in my home while I was at work and then gave her a lift home in the afternoon). ONE OF THEM WAS OVER 100 MINUTES $23!!!! Who goes to somebody else’s place and makes phone calls?!??! I trusted her in my home! I only wander what else she did?! She probably went through everything I own – and now I feel very betrayed! On top of that, I have an extra $25 odd dollars to pay on my phone bill that I didn’t use!
Am I being over the top by saying that I just don’t want to live with her?
My feelings are that no matter what, she has no control over her money – she’s not mature enough to handle it. She could have all the money in the world but she is still unable to budget and take care of herself properly. She seems to me to be incapable of living within her means.
I am the type of person who has never had an outstanding or overdue bill. I pay everything on time and that’s the way I like to. I ensure that I stay 2 weeks minimum ahead in my rental payments, etc. I pay my bills, THEN I look at what I have left to spend on me. If I only have $20 spare, I only spend $20. I would also feed Abby before I fed myself. I feel the same way to her as I would a child. I would feed the child before I fed myself. I never let it get to a situation where I can’t afford to feed myself (I have had very lean weeks of eating pastas on special and tinned food before), but I’ve never been in that position because of carelessness and living outside of my means (that time was because of extremely high medical bills because I was very sick).
I get the feeling that it will be the case with her that the bill will come along, I will want it paid on time (not wanting a black mark on my name), she will claim she has no money and ask me if I can cover it and she’ll pay me back when she gets paid and I will never see the money again…
I’m not a confrontational person. I can’t just go up and blast her. I don’t know why, but I just can’t. And now I need to be able to tell her that I’m not moving in. I feel like she is going to “sting” me by backstabbing me and making me out to people at the club to be an awful person for not moving in with her.
What do I do?? This has been eating away at me and I can’t sleep properly or concentrate because of it, I’ve even lost my appetite and feel like I am slipping into depression over it. I was going to talk to a friend who is a mother of three girls at our club. She is lovely, she’s very smart but she’s also very sensitive, so she would be able to help me approach it. But again, I just get shy at face to face stuff (don’t ask me how I coach! Something just ‘happens’ when I’m out there with the kids! LOL). And I worry that I will make her think badly of this girl – she coaches two of her daughters… I know she wouldn’t say anything ever, but I just don’t like the thought of making other people hate somebody for something that has happened with me
PS – I’m sorry this is so long…
